- This topic has 11 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 11 months ago by
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My son lied for his father so I can see how it happens. Whether she can live with that or not is hers to carry but I know I protected my abuser. Not at the expense of other people. She’s as much a victim in this I think. All you can do is stick to the truth. Everybody justifies their behaviour. Maybe she fears the consequences of crossing him. You don’t know what he’s threatened or how he’s playing the victim in all this. Yep, it’s a hard pill to swallow but shows the extent of his callous manipulation that he would involve her in the first place when he knows he’s wrong.
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Yes i can believe, but she is yet another victim to his manipulations.
Even when they suspect and ‘know’ when it comes to court and serious life affecting consequences, it can be a different matter.
My MIL used to talk to me about her abusive husband’s treatment of her. She was alone with it and it was very sad. She was sensitive to what was happening to us,but nevertheless when it came to court, it was different needless to say.
Try to focus on you and shut him out of your thoughts, including his effects on others.
You see, it not personal he will be abusive because hes abusive, its not because of you. He will shirk responsibility for everything to anyone.
Warmest wishes
TS
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I have wondered that recently too. His mother must have known about his previous conviction but what does she do – warn me off? This is her son and I was making a difference to his life, helping him to stop drinking and saving her son. She has used many excuses for him but I suppose she is the victim too as he has thrown abuse at her also and she is blood so she will stick with him until the end. I spent hours and hours talking to her and messaging her about her sons addiction and trying to help him and for that I get abuse from him. She said to me once ‘well if you will poke the fire…’ she also hinted that this father had been abusive and did something horrendous to her when his father died and he, my partner in the loosest sense of the word, remembers his dad being angry a lot of the time so maybe it is in the genes to an extent or he learned from his father.
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I think the thing to do is to distance yourself from anyone who isn’t on your side. Lundy Bancroft says there is no middle ground when it comes to abuse. You simply don’t side with an abuser under any circumstances. People who cannot choose a side need to be shown the door. Protect yourself from this kind of dysfunction. I’ve lost people over this but it’s people that if I kept in my life would make things worse.
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I’d hoped they would be a middle ground between us for sake of the kids and although would generally take his side where at least more reasonable people but seeing her lie under oath has done it for me, it’s official I’m done with them. Just like your advise I literally don’t feel it works to keep that rel.
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It’s easier than taking a good hard look at your parenting skills.
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