24th May 2016 at 5:53 pm #17887SerenityParticipant
For most of my marriage, I worked in a job that was not very well paid and that I was over qualified for, in a way.
Towards the end, I went back to uni and for the last (detail removed by Moderator) years of my marriage, was employed in a job I both loved and which had some kudos ( not that I like any attention on myself). It happened to be well
paid, but I did it because I loved the type of work and felt it worthwhile.
I have said before how after he left, he spewed poison and one of the things he made fun of was my job.
I used to love my job and I still do. I just wish I could get him out of my head, laughing at it and making out it was a ridiculous job.
Do you ladies think he was just jealous and felt threatened?
How do I forget his put downs and feel
Happy in my job again? I want to fly in my work.
24th May 2016 at 8:34 pm #17894Eve1Participant
This mental abuse is cruel. I’m certain he was jealous and also didn’t like you having a life outside of the home, where he had no control, and so he said these cruel, untrue things.
You are obviously intelligent and caring. And resourceful enough to get away from this abusive man
Are you have counselling at the moment? I found counselling good for starting to find myself and some self worth again. Could that help you here?
24th May 2016 at 11:04 pm #17905KIP.Participant
Absolutely he felt jealous and threatened. How dare you be happy and successful. He wanted to keep you down. To be there for him first. To fulfil his needs. Your gut is right about these things. Once your self confidence returns to full strength you will know positively why he did these things. I recall many occasions when I was truely happy and tried to share this happiness with him and he just pulled the rug from under me. It irks them to see us happy at what we do. So enjoy your job again knowing every day you do it is a kick in the teeth to him. It’s something you have built for yourself, by yourself. Be proud of it❤️
24th May 2016 at 11:41 pm #17910Confused123Participant
I think some one else has asked this question b4, how do u get ex voice out of your head, love yourself again and that voice will get dimmer, focus solely on yourself now and pusue your wishes
24th May 2016 at 11:48 pm #17911White RoseParticipant
Mine always belittled my job. It’s a pretty responsible job and I am told I do it well. He made me lose confidence in my ability and I’m slowly getting it back.
I never got him to be interested in what I did but I always had to enthuse about his job.
I find talking to myself about my day helps – I pretend I’m telling someone about it sometimes in my head sometimes aloud in the car on the way home i must look a real idiot and am clearly losing my marbles but it works for me and makes me realise I am getting on with work and I’m a worthwhile person.
Plus I no longer care what he thinks. Work for you and your self esteem and those that benefit from your work don’t waste time thinking about his views on your success of happiness.
25th May 2016 at 12:11 am #17913HealthyarchiveBlocked
I think no matter what it was about you, job,hobby,friend etc if you liked it they will put it down. His putting it down was designed to hurt you & offload some of the anger he held inside. Most of these men cannot cope with strong capable women. I remember you said before that he came from a country where women were second class citizens? His mindset could not comprehend you doing so well in your career.
25th May 2016 at 12:13 am #17914HealthyarchiveBlocked
If you were successful it put him in a bad light publicly (in his eyes)
25th May 2016 at 9:07 am #17925SerenityParticipant
Thank you, all.
I will keep your posts as a reminder to myself!
I think it is because he put so, so much store by his own achievement and suppressing me. This achievement thing was his bug bear- and constituted so much of the abuse. It’s hard to shake it off.
It’s almost like I am telling myself it is wrong to do well, or that I don’t deserve it.
He used to criticise my mum for being a self- sufficient woman. He truly hated independent women.
I am receiving counselling again ( though this one isn’t as good as my previous lady).
KIP: I will do that! Every day I work is a kick in the teeth to him! Something I built by myself and for myself, and something to be proud of : you are right!
Thank you x*x
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