Waiting for the other shoe

[Lookingforcalm]

So I’ve sat down with my now ex to discuss what happens next. I arranged this day in advance and we still live together. The night before he tried everything to have sex with me. Telling me not to bend over as it was turning him on. I told him repeatedly I did not want sex. I have moved into the spare room and sleep on the floor while he has the bed as he refuses to leave. While asleep he came in got into bed. I told him to leave and ignored him until he eventually gave up and left.
The day for the discussion he kept putting off until eventually I put my foot down as it felt like limbo land. He took my phone off me and put it in a different room as he didn’t want me to record the conversation [which I have in the past due to being told that things happened differently to how I remember]
He repeatedly tried to turn the conversation into it being because of me and my decisions. I repeatedly redirected the conversation to constructive topics such as money, sleeping arrangements and childcare.
I stated he has not respected my boundaries in regards to sleeping apart and having my space.
He has said he’ll leave (detail removed by Moderator) because he doesn’t want to live in the house and not touch me. He has also said I have to go the doctor because he thinks I have postnatal depression. When I’m depressed with being with him due to the emotional and mental abuse. I’m waiting for him to say he’s refusing to leave again or try and have sex with me again tonight.
I’m tired. I’m sick of the arguing and picking. I just want to be free. I just want a bit of quiet

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Lookingforcalm

Your post resonates hard with me, that having to keep redirecting the derailing back on topic, its all so exhausting isn’t it. You have done brilliantly to manage as well as you have at this end of the game, that you can still stay with the topic and to keep it back on track.

All that you say of him seems so expected and predictable, perhaps you could say that you will change the locks as he is refusing to keep away from you, making such creepy sexual overtones to stuff that you just do in your daily life, to the extreme of climbing into bed with you! We all know what behaviour that is showing.

Sadly, I suspect that despite his behaviour if you said this to the police I would half expect them to say well he got out of bed and left you alone didn’t he? Never mind how terrifying it could be knowing that he could potentially overpower you once he got into your bed, despite your clear resistence. I feel like I know this man only too well.

You know you can have him removed from the house on the basis that you are scared he will force himself on you, combined with the threats he has made? Has he ever done this during your relationship?

Have you spoken to any domestic abuse services to plan how to stay safe? You need a lock for your door for a start, so that you can sleep safe in the knowledge he can’t creep into the room, and put a sliding bolt top and bottom of your front door if he goes to sleep in the car, because if he’s stated he can’t trust himself being in the house with you, putting himself outside of a door that he has a key to is hardly going to do much to stop him is it?

Stay safe.

warmest wishes

ts

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