Walking on eggshells

[Headcook]

So it’s been the dreaded weekend again thank god it’s nearly over
Got called w**k*r yesterday
So pleasant of him
Heard him talk down to partner stated I’m not being funny but I really don’t get why you are so tired all the time and kept repeating it she never responded so he goaded her some more till she finally said I have all horrible answers for you in my head
He then goaded her some more trying to get her to tell him those thoughts
He stood back today so I paid for coffee I smiled at lady he then said you ok you appear to be laughing
At me
Paranoid or what but proves he was watching my every move
Freaked me out
Now I’m sat in a frosty atmosphere cause I was difficult in looking after grandchild again while they done something they needed to do
What will they do when I’m not here I ask myself
Being used and abused

HC

[KIP.]

From what you’ve said I think she will leave and go to her mothers and take the child with her. Try to concentrate on you and your exit plan because things will only get worse where you are.

[Headcook]

Just have to voice all this somewhere and validation as am so vulnerable
There so much of all this and I worry I will go mad as need support from people that get this as so many make you feel crazy or look at you like you are crazy
Did all this turmoil to myself before with x
I did get there eventually after years of torchuring myself

Don’t want her leaving before I can get out as he will harm me I’m sure

HC

[KIP.]

Sounds like you’re beginning to think about your own life and your safety. It’s such a painful thing to accept but I always remember about on the aircraft when they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on before you help others. You need to get yourself to a place of strength and safety as you cannot help him while being fearful, intimidated and threatened. It amazes me how the land on their feet, like my ex. Quickly moved on to a new host for his parasitic behaviour. Another vulnerable victim, single mum. These men can smell vulnerability from a distance x

[Headcook]

Remember reading if you had a room full of 100 women he would be able to smell which ones would be good material

I so hate him right now can’t even bare him looking at me and I freeze if he comes near
The pain is so bad so I try to focus on the times when he is most vile which is when I hate him the most
Pretty much every day just lately it seems
Love him as my son but a loving son does not treat his mum this way

HC

[KIP.]

Loving him won’t stop the abuse. Love doesn’t hurt. I was terrified of losing my son and my ex used to threaten to take him from me if I ever left so I stayed for decades and it seems my abuse taught my son the ways of manipulation. Maybe I’m being too harsh as he is still very much under the control of his father. But I had to grow a very thick skin. Which I did. It’s amazing how we can adapt. Painful as it is. A lot of the time I feel numb to the world then I get to feel happiness and hope and the world seems a better place x

[Author]

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