Want to leave but so scared

[tulip-mama]

Hi, newbie here, though I have been reading the forum for a while. I didn’t think I would ever get to the point where I was genuinely considering leaving (emotionally abusive husband) but something has clicked and I just know I need to get out.

But I’m so scared! I don’t know whether he will react angrily or sadly, or how reasonable he will be about property or custody.

I also am a bit worried about how to actually do it! I have a bag of essentials for me and my son packed and hidden. I know where I would like to go but lockdown is making me so unsure!

I want to go to a refuge in a town that I used to live in, where I have a good support network of friends, but I don’t know if they would let me, given that I’m no longer local. I also don’t know how I would get a place – I tried ringing the national helpline this morning but they were so busy I couldn’t get through. I know I could ask them to ring back but there isn’t really a safe time to give them now we’re at home all the time. I don’t want to just leave the house without somewhere confirmed to go, because I have a child to think about.

Also,do I just sneak out? Do I tell him I’m going and then get in the car? If I sneak out, should I leave a simple note, explaining that I’ve left (so that he doesn’t start ringing me to ask where I am)?

I’m so confused and scared because I just want to get mine and my child’s life on track!

[fizzylem]

Hey TM, you could google the local domestic abuse service, the number is usually on the local council’s website. Maybe have a look for the one in your area first, call and ask them if they could arrange a place in this new area? Suspect they will want you to access the service linked to your current postcode.

Yes it is a scary time; you could go and leave a note if you wanted to, up to you, guess this makes sense, so he is not calling folk or registering you as missing with the police.

Might be an idea to block his number and all the other ways he could contact you as well when you go x

[Lisa]

Hi tulip-mama,

Firstly, welcome to the forum.
Understandably you are reaching out at this moment as you prepare to safely leave an abusive relationship. For most all women going through this, there are many concerns and questions.
Firstly, a refuge is a safe house, so it’s location needs to be outside the area from which are fleeing from. So you don’t need to be from the area the refuge is in. The farther usually the better. In fact, I would just be careful going back to a location where he would associate you with. It makes sense you want to go back to where you feel yo have a support network just keep in mind you don’t want to be found. So perhaps an area close but not in the immediate area to where you want to be would be safer.
If you want to learn a bit more about what to expect when going int a refuge, what it is and how it works, click here.
It may also be useful to read through information on safety planning during COVID-19 as we know during this time, many women who are in abusive relationships are feeling more vulnerable than ever.
Do keep posting when you are able as you move forward. The women on this forum can offer a wealth of useful advice and emotional support as you take these crucial next steps.
Take care and stay safe,

Lisa

[Iwantmeback]

Hi tulipmania, welcome to the forum. Try your local wa instead of the national helpline. You could also contact the local wa nearer where you want to go too. It’s such a dreadful time waiting to go. You decide what’s right for you whether you leave a note or not. I left a screed. Couldn’t just walk away. Though I did block him. Be extremely careful at this time because it is very possible fir his behaviour to escalate. I thought my oh would blank me like he did his first wife and children but he did the exact opposite. BUT he’s not changed, says he will but he can’t. Its too ingrained in him and the other thing is, I no longer love him.. I could never go back just because he wants me to, I’d be miserable.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

[tulip-mama]

I don’t know what to do 🙁

Have tried so many different phone numbers today but couldn’t get through to anyone! I know they say to leave a message so they can call back at a safe time but there aren’t any specific times I could give!

I don’t want to leave with nowhere to go, but I can’t stay much longer. I managed to speak on the chat service with someone in the area I want to go to, but of course they can’t do vacancy checks or anything except over the phone.

[Lisa]

Hi tulip-mama,

That’s great that you’ve managed to chat to someone. Just so you’re aware Women’s Aid workers can do refuge vacancy searches via the Live Chat service (Monday – Friday 10am – 12pm). Hopefully you’ll manage to speak to someone before Monday, but keep that in mind if you’re needing a vacancy search then.

Take care,

Lisa

[Iwantmeback]

Your local council have a duty of care as well to house you if you present as homeless. You could go to police station or phone them to let them know what is happening send they put you in touch with relevant people. Have you tried ur local WA, it can take a few weeks but ive also heard that hotels are being used to house ladies leaving until a property becomes available.
Keep trying, it’s so difficult when you can’t see any way forward. But there will be and least when you expect it.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

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