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He was not abusive in the physical sense or verbal sense. Actually, an apparently very gentle man, with very good manners.
I want 3 things: 1. Restore contacts with the children but without him. I am not a step mom of his girl, but she has been with me for nearly (detail removed by Moderator) years, living with me nearly (detail removed by Moderator). She had lots of health problems and I did countless sleepless nights by her side, helped her enormously every day with her problems. For me he abducted her from me. Fact she wasn’t mine is immaterial. My son was also attached to her (though exasperated by her behaviours due to these problems she had); so I feel it is unfair that just because “we are nothing to the children” they can be torn apart in this brutal manner. The child who is “nothing to me” is more than everything to me. I choose to care for her and I loved her as mine, as more than mine because less than mine, because of the love I had for my ex and for her vulnerabilities.
2. Want to claim damages for child cruelty, probably under the children and young persons act or serious crime act 2015. Criminal matter I think.
3. Want to claim existential damages for me. He left brutally, torn us apart and did a number of very disturbing things which resulted in me being in shock and trauma and being seriously suicidal (which I had never been).
I tried the women’s rights helpline and I tried to get through for about 6 hours. I would like initially to go through an advice centre; not sure whether this is a family law issue (since there is no jurisprudence on blended families as far as I know) or a criminal issue (emotional abuse under the Serious Crime Act 2015 – but again is crime for children “one is responsible for”, therefore my ex could be liable certainly for cruelty towards his daughter’s but less clearly towards my son). I would need a smart solicitor who can see through things and split the hair as we say in my language. Any advice? Cheers xx -
Most solicitors offer an initial session of about half an hour for free. There’s also Rights for Women who offer free legal advice and you can ring 101 and speak to a domestic abuse police officer. In my experience there is a time limit for bringing both criminal and civil cases. My advice is to let them go. Report your concerns to social services then concentrate on your own health. I lost my step daughter too so I know it’s painful.
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Yes i am in two minds about this but part of me wants to rebel to this and i want to set a precendent. I tried the Wa legal advice ringing them for the whole 2 h duration of their services on auto redial and never got through. I’ll go and see a legal advisors this week as thwy do a drop in. Thanks Kip xx
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Hi Puzzledatlife,
Yes you’ll have to find out what the law says about this sort of thing. From what I understand there is not much protection from losing a step child unless you adopted the child, but I am in no way an expert on this. You could indeed set a precedent for it. You could even research it yourself and represent yourself in court. I know someone who is a commercial lawyer and researched HR/discrimination/human rights law (which she had not trained in), (detail removed by Moderator) She was a lawyer to start off with, but she wasn’t a specialist in the area of law nor a barrister and she represented herself, so anything is possible. The downside is you could waste a lot of time and money chasing this with no results. I would get some expert advice on it from several sources and then make a decision based on that plus your gut feeling. You could technically even train as a lawyer in the process, and be like Erin Brockovich.
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Thanks Sunshine. I did something similar in the past. The father of my child wanted no contacts with my child and my child was extremely distressed. I found that under English law adults have full right not to have contacts with the children. In my country that would be a criminal offence punished with jail. So I did lots of research.(detail removed by Moderator) I go a bit off the tangent here. There is a medical condition, and in Australia it used to be the case that when children are affected by this condition, the court must authorise treatment. (detail removed by Moderator)
So I know that things can change when cases are brought to courts. However I am not a lawyer. I don’t think that, from a legal point of view, I have much ground to ask for contacts, unless the girl was really adamant, but it is likely that she has put on some defence mechanism to tolerate the separation. I think that from the criminal point of view I have more ground, to request damages for cruelty towards my son and emotional abuse. However, from a moral point of view, I think I do have a ground, so I could still go ahead and represent myself and perhaps a sympathetic judge would rule in my favour or find a mediation. I have happened to meet a family court judge not a long ago, and she was lovely and she was dealing precisely with family disputes. I guess I could ask for a consultation with her.
Thanks anyway, both of you. I feel exhausted by the pain. I cannot quite believe still that he, him, the man who I shared everything and was about to marry, put us in this situation. -
Honestly this all sounds very positive, and like you have found your calling in life. Maybe this happening to you will be a pivotal moment in your life, and through it you can help others. I remembered this week how the majority of people who have achieved signiificant things in life did so coming from a place of extreme pain – it was their motivating factor. I reckon keep researching, gaining contacts and go for what feels right. I’d say you’d make an excellent human rights lawyer if you wanted to take that step, and why not! I am focusing on my career goals again and working towards something I have doubted would be possible for me, but with everything that happened in my life last year it has given me a ‘why can’t I do this?’ attitude which I am liking, and which I would not have got had everything worked out with my ex.
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