Wanted to leave but then lockdown happened

[Littlelemon1234]

Hi everyone,

I’ve posted before about my partner but I still do really want to leave. The trouble is I don’t know what to do during this lockdown. My partner and I live together, I’m a key worker so I’m still working. My partner is still working too. I don’t feel like I can go home to my parents because I don’t want to pass anything to them and make them sick. I just don’t think I can be stuck here for 6 months. I feel like my life is just going before my eyes and I feel so hopeless.

My partner used to grope me all the time. At home and in public and say really embarrassing sexual things in public too. We also had sex when I really didn’t want to do it but I felt like I had to. Although he’s apologised I just can’t forgive and I don’t feel the same about him anymore. I just don’t know what to do 😔

[KIP.]

You can live safely at your parents if you stay separated and are careful. Anywhere is better than living with an and abuse. That in itself wears down your immune system so I’d ask my parents what they think?

[Littlelemon1234]

It’s going to sound so silly but I’m so frightened about telling my parents. They aren’t aware of anything and it’s almost if I tell them. Then I’m admitting it’s really happening. I also have this irrational worry that they’ll turn around and say no.

[KIP.]

Do you have to tell them everything? They might like having you home at a time like this to help them too. I was so anxious about telling my mum but she said she wished I’d told her sooner so she could help. In the beginning she thought his constant phone calls and checking on me were a sign of genuine affection and that he really cared for me! You are their child, they love you x

[Littlelemon1234]

I told my mum we ‘weren’t getting on’ and that I wasn’t sure I wanted to be with him anymore. She asked me if I felt safe and I couldn’t bring myself to say no. So I just said I did. She said it’s best to wait it out but I don’t know how long that will be. I just feel like I’m wasting my life away. It’s just so hard to end the relationship, I tried to but he won’t let me, saying we need to work on things first. But I don’t want to work on it, and I feel so guilty.

[KIP.]

Your mum senses something or she wouldnt ask that question. Please talk to her again and tell her the truth. Yes you’re scared and can’t wait it out with an unpredictable abuser. He won’t listen. There’s no point in trying to talk to him, abusers just ignore us, twist it all round and leave us confused and distraught.

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