- This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 10 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Hi,
I feel I am at that point of rediscovering and returning to myself, but I wondered how many of you ladies – even if you are recovering- feel like they want a much quieter and less hectic life from now on?
Also, I’ve begun to be fiercely independent. I don’t want anyone telling me what to think or what to do with my time. I bristle if I sense anyone trying to dictate or be bossy.
Is this normal?
-
Gosh yes I cannot stand anyone being bossy or controlling now, it is such a red flag to get them out of my life whereas in the past I’ve had a lot of bossy and controlling friends. I recently had a situation with a friend where she started to try to control an event I was organising including the date, time, venue and guests and it made me feel soooooo stressed and exasperated, it gave me that panicky ‘boundary violation feeling’ I got with my ex and always got and sadly still get with my parents.
I immediately shut the situation down so that she couldn’t continue to take over and boundary violate because I just refuse to live like this anymore. I’ve realised she seems to carry me some ill will so I am now distancing myself from her again and feeling relieved bout it.
I was always very independent before and am getting back to that now.
I think it’s very normal and very healthy as we are women who have had our boundaries repeatedly violated and are only now learning healthy boundaries. It feels so strange sometimes but the only future I want is one with strong boundaries.
I would like for nothing me than to live in a beautiful cottage in the countryside surrounded by flowers, plants, birds and animals and hopefully a child and maybe a nice, good, kind man if I can find one 🙂
-
I can relate.
I really don’t like people telling me what to do. I have a lot of people like that at work using bossy behaviour towards me and others looking for a reaction. What helps me is ‘let them think they are in control while I run the show’. phrase. I smile, I nod then I do what I want to do, what I think is best. Agree with everything. Discuss nothing. The do whats in my best interest. No conflict. This is with bully-type people who use the orders to assert and maintain control. There is a meme I like which I have saved unto my phone ‘ I don’t take orders, I barely take suggestions’..I love that one.
Guess I must be healing as I too bristle if I sense anyone trying to dictate or be bossy.
I also crave peace and quiet and no longer the hectic life. I’m tired of rushing and working so hard. No more drama for me. I’ve had decades of that. Time now for me to enjoy the moments each day with lots of rest and relaxation. And I’m trying to regain the fun and humour in my life.
-
-
…yes I hear you Serenity …ladies! Loud and clear!
I have also posted I’m fed up with other people’s opinions …if I sniff out a bully I’m totally …on guard…red flags +++!!
He used to know I hated bullies, then became one.I’ve had at least 3 (I have to be) assertive episodes lately, the ones where you turn the tables and say, enough is enough. In the past, I would have let it go, now I don’t..no way.
What continues to surprise me is the fakeness when I’ve called people on their behaviour…they’re like…’who, all innocent, me?’ The innocent eyes trick, or the…’ I didn’t mean it like that, only joking’ type comments.
I find saying less is much much better, I hold back a bit now where I would jump in to help, not so now.
I will not tolerate anyone speaking to me or even looking at me in a derogatory way! Taking advantage of my kindness..is not allowed either.I’ve realised (took me a long time) that if they are good people they will stick around and be genuine ..our friendships & kindness is reciprocal.
I’m not having any freeloading regardless, emotional,physically or financially! I’ve been ‘there’…& I didn’t like it one little bit, phew!
Now it’s looking after oneself time ladies! 🌸
Cx
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
