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Not sure where to start but I have finally got support through a womens aid and hoping to escape as i am in a emotional abusive relationship….to an extent it’s classed as coercive control, financial and just emotional so many levels 😔 just coming to this conclusion and wanting to leave is making me feel guilty as I keep thinking I’m going crazy and nobody will believe what he puts me through. He is a charmer and everyone thinks he’s a lovely person…pulls the wool over many peoples eyes so to speak.
The hardest part for me is when I say I’m going to leave he uses my past alcohol use against me! Nothings happened in years and my two children are still so very young. Social services are only just getting an insight ( due to a drunken fall that happened after an argument between me and my partner after I had everything together for so long! I just couldn’t take much more ( the children were not present! ) I told the hospital what was happening hence the involvement.
he just keeps saying he will tell social services I’m drinking all the time with the children ( when I am not! ) and that will mean he can take them away from me as he will tell them I’m pathetic and useless parent I am! That he has all the money for court and will end up with nothing so if I dare tell anyone he will win as they would never believe (detail removed by moderator) person like me 🙁 i have told social services partly of what’s happening and I really did want to help him change but he’s nice for one day and then back to the same old him! He shouts regularly at my children and the oldest has told her nursery (detail removed by moderator) I’m terrified she’s going to be affected so I really need to be strong and do the right thing for them. If anyone has a similar experience I would love to hear some advice! -
Please get support from you local women’s aid. Abusers will threaten us with lots of things, that’s how they operate. Fear and intimidation. You will be believed. You’re trying to get away from him to keep your children safe. That’s what you need to focus on. Your past is your past. If you’ve had alcohol problems and have had help or are having help or just shows you’re determined. Abusers are liars. I secretly recorded mine assaulting me. If you can do it safely it might be something you could do but also keep in a journal of his behaviour will help too. My ex was a charmer and in a very high position in the legal system but they treated him just like every other criminal. I’m sure Harold Shipman and Ted Buddy were charming and charismatic when they had to be. People who deal with abusers can see through their mask. His threats to take children from their mother speaks volumes. That’s not in their best interest. Have a look at the book Living with the Dominator and The Freedom Programme which is a course run online to expose abusers and their behaviours. Knowledge Is Power and abusers are liars. My ex used to say I had a mental illness. Yes because he caused it. If you’re drinking the chances are it’s the abuse driving you there.
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I have managed to do a voice recording on a couple of occasions funnily enough as I was worried nobody would believe me! It’s quite shocking to listen back to. I’m studying to be (detail removed by moderator) as I’ve turned my life around in so many ways and he also threatens to ruin that for me if I leave him. I know deep down it’s not right…it’s been a long time coming to have the confidence in many ways…he makes me feel like I make it all up but I know that’s not the case!
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Yes it’s crazy making behaviour. It’s great you have a life and a future away from him. They so often destroy our careers and relationships with others so keep building that life away from him. Google gaslighting. My ex make me think I was crazy. Let the police hear the recordings if you need to. You’re doing great x
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