Wants me to sign for a huge loan

[Jellybaby]

Me and my husband own a house together but he also owns another property he is very clear that any money from that is his alone. He talks about buying more property in his name alone and building himself I’m not included in this. I work full time and struggle everyone months to pay towards the bills. He doesn’t struggle and can buy expensive designer clothes. He has got himself into an issues and owes (detail removed by moderator) he wants me to sign a joint loan as he can’t get it alone. It’s (detail removed by moderator) years repayment. He said he will pay it and will be paid by (detail removed by moderator). He is very shady about money and I don’t believe his story for needing the money. Because I said no he has withdrawn being very cold. Now he says he can’t be with me anymore so I’ve hurt him and he can never forgive or forget that I didn’t help him. He isn’t very nice to me in general. He has threatened to leave me before. Now I feel really unsettled and all over the place. I’ve taken (detail removed by moderator) as last time he said he was leaving he took them. I’m scared when he realises I have them. Should I have left the documents and should should I have helped him??? (detail removed by moderator) loans scares me.

[KIP.]

Something very similar happened to me and I lost tens of thousands of pounds. Do not sign anything, he’s obviously such a bad risk that nobody will lend him anything like that amount, he will destroy your credit score which will stay with you and since you work and have an income that can be seized too. This is financial abuse. Check out the website survivingeconomicabuse.org. He’s going to try and coerce and frighten you into signing this which is also illegal. Marital debt is joint debt and I so glad I’m divorced from my ex who would have dragged us both down financially.

[KIP.]

Get some legal advice. Most solicitors offer free initial advice. You might find that you’re entitled to way more than you think and that financially you will be so much better off out of this relationship.

[Bananaboat]

You’ve done the right thing saying no. Even if he does pay it now what if he can’t pay it in 5 years time, it’ll be a risk for the next (detail removed by moderator). Did you also realise that (detail removed by moderator) years means he’s paying back (detail removed by moderator) which seems a very high rate and suggests his credit is bad already. I also recently (detail removed by moderator) as he once tried to take it when he threatened to leave, he’s not noticed and I put it somewhere hidden but also could be justified and put some other papers there too so it wasn’t just a ‘you’re stealing that from me’. Worse case if he takes it, you can get copies for about £11 I think it is. The only person you need to worry about financially are you and your daughter.

[Bananaboat]

Oops so much removed it doesn’t make sense now lol but I understand why. On reflection and considering the length of the loan and overall amount being repaid I wondered if he’s actually tricking you into a mortgage?

[Wants To Help]

Hi Jellybaby,

If you are on this site then your relationship is clearly struggling already in several ways, so please, please do not enter in to a joint loan with him for any amount of money, let alone one this big. The repercussions for you are HUGE. Of course he’ll tell you he’ll pay it, he’s not going to tell you it’ll be down to you to make the payments is he?

Pressuring you to take this loan out is emotional blackmail at the very least (trying to prove it as a criminal offence of coercive control may be difficult for a prosecution but it is also coercive behaviour). If he is shady about money already and you have no full idea of your financial status as a couple it is highly likely he is just using you as a means to his own agenda anyway. In a healthy. equal relationship both parties should be fully aware of each other’s financial situation within a marriage/living together, it is part of the partnership and all about openness and honesty. Your relationship doesn’t sound healthy or equal.

Please do not feel pressurised in to signing it with his threats to leave you. Let him leave you (I bet he won’t) but if he does, it just goes to show what a spoilt brat he is and that he just sees you as a cash cow for his own greed and that he never had the right feelings for you in the first place.

With regards to your child’s (detail removed by moderator) – if the child is under 18 then either parent can hold it, none have any right over the other to be in possession of it. What it comes down to is the intent as to why which parent has possession of it.

[Jellybaby]

Thanks for the responses. The situation left questioning myself. I feel so alone especially when it’s comes to money you feel like you can’t tell anyone about what is happening. He treats me bad but I still feel so sad about him saying he will leave doesn’t make sense.

[Anonymous]

Jellybaby you did the right thing, it’s obvious his facade is important to him (most abusers are superficial) and what you said about feeling pain at the thought of him leaving does make sense (it’s your vulnerability and pain getting confused with each other) what he’s doing is trying to emotionally blackmail you into giving in to his financial demands (which is another form of abuse in itself) stay strong, he’ll get himself into trouble eventually with his love of money and his obsession with how he wants to present himself will be his downfall, stay afloat or he’ll take you down with him take care
💛🧡💛

[KIP.]

Google trauma bonding. Abusers are liars and manipulators and selfish to the core. Talk to your local women’s aid.

[Author]

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