This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Daylight 2 weeks ago.

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  • #112341
     Daylight 
    Participant

    Hi all

    I need a bit of advice. Someone who i thought was a friend is now giving me silent treatment as i said im not ready to be in a relationship want to focus on me and my little one.

    I said maybe in time we could have a relationship but not at moment as im still hurting and trying to heal and focus on my little one as lo is my everything. He wanted to meet me i said not at min so now being given silent treatment.

    Am i being silly or is abuse happening again

  • #112401
     Sleepy 
    Participant

    It sounds a bit petty to me, a man not being able to get what he wants. Either he’ll come out of it or carry on. If he’s just being silent towards you I’d just ignore it and do what you’ve said you’ll do, focus on you.

  • #112991
     Camel 
    Participant

    Hi Daylight

    I wouldn’t call this man a friend at all. He’s an entitled chancer who swooped in with demands once he thought the coast was clear.

    Presumably he was around when you were going through hell? Was he supportive? Do you feel as if you owe him something in return? I’m just wondering why you’d say that a relationship could be possible in the future instead of a straight ‘thanks but no thanks.’

    I’ve done the same thing myself recently – ‘let’s see how things go, not making any promises’. I was caught off guard. Instead of putting him straight I gave him hope.

    This man’s behaviour isn’t abusive yet. But his sense of entitlement, trashing of your boundaries and sulking without doubt show you clearly what you’d be in for. You’ve had a lucky escape. Be thankful that he’s stopped contacting you. Don’t contact him either! You shouldn’t be drawn into soothing his bruised ego or justifying yourself.

    Do some work on building up your self esteem and setting boundaries. You’re right to concentrate on yourself and your child.

  • #113336
     Camel 
    Participant

    Hi Daylight

    Maybe my reply sounded a bit strong. It won’t be a surprise to anyone here if you found strength in having him around. It’s a genuine boost to the ego to know that men find us attractive, despite what our abusers tend to say. It’s good for us to know that life holds real possibilities.

    It’s unfortunate that this friend wanted more than you’re willing to give right now. But perhaps it’s a blessing that he was upfront so soon. And that you were able to be give him the brush off.

    It has been said that it’s not possible to be just friends with men, that they’ll always be wondering what the sex would be like. I think this is an over-generalisation but not completely untrue. Your friend falls into this category, obviously. It’s a shame as given time you might have been up for it too.

  • #113503
     Daylight 
    Participant

    Hi camel

    I have realised why and what it was not getting involved with anyone for a long time

    I going to give my son and myself life we deserve.

    Thanks for your help

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