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    • #51204
      Starmoon
      Participant

      Could he have left so often because I was just wrong for him? Why cant I believe that i didn’t deserve it

    • #51207
      KIP.
      Participant

      It takes time. Our brains don’t want to believe the bad bits. That would mean accepting that someone we trusted and loved was actually a monster. It’s hard to accept that. Someone we shared a life and intimate thoughts and even children. He left so often because he got a thrill about seeing you distraught and in pain. That’s why my abuser mostly leaves me alone now because he can’t harm me the way he used to. He can’t get a thrill from someone who is onto his game and won’t play it anymore. We are caring sensitive individuals who can never comprehend their selfish harmful behaviour. Everybody is wrong for an abuser. It just take time to figure that out x

    • #51234
      Anewbreath
      Participant

      Hi Starmoon
      Perhaps when you have some time you may want to look up traumatic bonding and cognitive dissonance… See if it helps any. Like KIP says it takes time.
      Abusers are master pathological liars. My own abuser was slowly starting to get me to think i was a bad woman. He called me one enough times. Give yourself time to heal. You didnt deserve it. You didnt deserve his treatment. We will tell you that for as long as you need to ask. Maybe even try speaking to some-one on the hotline? You have support here.

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