Was It Just Me?

[Anyonehearme…]

One question still remains floating around even after I moved on and that’s ‘was I the only one??’. I mean I’m probably not, he’s probably abused his other partners but what if he didnt? What if it was just me? What if i did just annoy him too much?? Did I provoke him?? Was i the reason he did what he did?

[Anonymous]

Rarely is it a one off thing almost unheard of I would think. It was not just you I would put a bet on it x

[Confused123]

HI Hun

Dont blame yourself , it wasn’t you, there probably were others, focus on recovery and healing yourself

[WalkerInTheRain]

I wonder this but I’ll never really know unless he gets into trouble and I’m asked to corroborate. I highly suspect I’m not the first and I’d put my settlement figure down on not being the last.
Mine, it seems, likes to move 100+ miles away at the end of a relationship and reinvents his social media. Suits me!!

[Anyonehearme…]

I guess he was just so good at getting into my head…I hope I was the only one and there won’t be another but I hate to say his temper he’ll always be like it 😑

[bubbles]

it’s not often a one off. Can I ask you were his exes horrible unreasonable people when he spoke about them? chances are if they were they weren’t if you get me.

[EeyoreNoMore]

Did you manage to provoke ALL your previous boyfriends into this sort of behaviour? No? Thought not, it’s totally not you.

He was like this with his exes to some degree and will be like it with his next. He has no need to change.

[Dragonfly]

Hey anyonehearme. You are very probably most likely not the first. Mine hasn’t got a good word about any of his exes, they’re all boots apparently and his experience of the last two ‘wasn’t good’ and he had to apologise. His words. I shoulda listened to my gut.

If you truly were the first, guaranteed the will be a Next one. It’s really not you!!! Don’t ever think that. X

[Lightness]

Doubtful you were the first and even less likely you will be the last

Either way, it’s not your fault and you deserve better

[Serenity]

When we moved in together, the phone kept ringing at weird hours, and a girl/ woman’s voice asked for my ex. She was speaking in another language, and I thought it might be my ex’s mother or relative. A bit later, he admitted it was an ex girlfriend. I now believe he hadn’t properly finished with her. She probably had no idea he was living abroad with me- another woman. So, he mistreated her.

Also, as I have mentioned on here before, my ex was seen with a woman soon after he had left me. He was acting like an arrogant king, sitting back and letting her run around for him in public! He has no shame.

So you see, it’s a pattern.

[KIP.]

I think abuse is just in their nature. Their personality. And I don’t think they see it as abuse. My ex had blocked me from his Facebook (without my knowledge as I don’t even go in it very often) and put a picture of his gf on it. We were still married and living together at the time. He just didn’t care who saw it. I think he actually wanted me to see it as some sort of punishment. They are twisted, dysfunctional individuals. Don’t waste your energy on him. You will need to keep it for your own recovery.

[Nova]

Same here, my ex had a ‘terrible’ ex wife and the g/f after was awful, the things he said about her, nearly drove me round the twist, in the first year of knowing him, it dominated our relationship…theyd text each other in the middle of the night (time difference) all full of hate for each other…(and kids together)
+ the numerous affairs…in another country.
Apparently its not uncommon for them to re locate to cover their tracks, keep women from contacting each other gettting the whole story about their past, and he kept me away from his family, same reason, so I didnt build relationships to be able to ask questions…he thought of everything lying schemer…that fits in my case.

[Anyonehearme…]

See apart from one pervious ex he didn’t say much bad about them…They all seemed to have good logical reasoning as why they left. I guess being around abuse my whole life I just couldn’t see it with it. I don’t think anyone really believed me whenever I tried to talk. I know he has a nasty side, I’m just lucky he never went full out with his temper on me. I know I deserve better and that’s why now I’ve finally met someone that doesn’t hurt me physically or mentally. It took a few bad guys after ‘him’ but finally I can see that it wasn’t my fault. I’ve been discussing it with my current partner over these last few days. I said to him “do I ever an anger you to the point where you would want to hit me” he said to me “yeah you anger me some days enough for me to want to give you a smack to shut you up, but I would never do it. I would never call you a name or lay a bad hand on you because i love you. When you love someone you couldn’t hurt them. You’re my world and why would I want to hurt or damage my world??” After that I just cried and realised this is what being safe feels like. This is what real love should feel like. This is how I should have been treated all those years ago. I know now that no matter what I did I was never going to be good enough for him. Nothing I ever did was going to make him happy. No matter how I cleaned, or budgeted we’d never be any better off. No matter how many times I let him have his way with me he would always want someone else. No matter what I did I was never going to be enough…But that’s ok because now by just being me I am enough.

[Author]

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