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I left my abusive husband over a year ago. I think up until now I have been emotionally shut down. I’ve not cried or been upset at all. My children were in bits but I felt like I was someone watching than it happening to me. Slowly but surely he’s manipulating the kids. Everything is my fault and they blame me.
I’ve not seen my son much in the year but have my daughters. My heart is breaking for them, it’s like he want to keep them in a constant state of upset not allowing anyone to move on and heal. I’ve gathered the strength to go up and see my son, I hate having to be near my ex but I need to see my boy more.
This has lead me to think was I really abused, was it that bad to leave and hurt my kids. Should I just go back so I can care for my kids and just put up with him? -
Don’t go back. It will get worse. Can you arrange to meet your son somewhere neutral. Away from your abuser. Mac Donald’s or somewhere like that? You need to show your children you are strong and they have a safe place with you. Zero contact with your abuser. Use a third party for contact. Don’t minimise his behaviour. Write it all down. Google cognitive dissonance.
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He won’t leave him. He won’t even text me back. I’ve seen him almost everyday this past week and today I had such a wonderful time with him. Unfortunately that means dealing with my ex and all his snide comments. I’m trying to build bridges with my son but it all needs to be done when his father is there, he has the situation set up perfectly
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I know how difficult it is. I went through very similar. In the end I had to walk away. Tell my son that I loved him and he was always welcome and that he knew where I was if he needed me. He’s abusing you in front of your child and your child is learning this behaviour. It broke my heart. My son was late teens. Not sure how old yours is but I just have to hope my son will stand up to,his dad and have the confidence to leave. Just like I did. Your son has to make an effort too. Have you discussed why he won’t text you back? Perhaps he needs space.
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That’s what I’m trying to do. I’m just at the point where I think was it that bad. He never actually hit me. He’s make it difficult for me to go out, if I didn’t have sex with him he’d pester and pester me until I gave in. I’d usually get about 3 days peace before I had to do it again. He’d intimidate me the goal posts always changed and I’d never know what made him happy or not. Or what would set him off it could be the smallest thing. Once he started it went on for hours, I learned just to shut up because if I argued back it would last for longer. He was relentless, he also had a terrible temper with my girls never my son. A situation with my oldest daughter finally made my mind up to go.
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Sounds exactly like my ex. Yes it really was that bad. Just read back your last post. Controlling behaviour. Rape. Selfish and nasty. Not to mention the impact on your health. Changing your behaviour to appease him. Bad enough that you left. It helped me to keep a journal. To write down the bad stuff as a reminder if I needed it. Our mind plays tricks with us. It’s a coping mechanism. Hang in there x
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Your ex is not responsible for your happiness. You are. Going back will make him happy. Not you. It sounds like you have a second chance, don’t let him waste it. Work on zero contact. Save yourself first then you will have strength to fight for your children or accept that you cannot win every battle. Sometimes we need to walk away and play the long game.
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