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Hello everyone.
I’ve been out for just over (detail removed by Moderator) months. I have never really spoken to anyone about what happened. Sometimes I second guess myself, was it abuse as he never hit me? Then feel guilty. I start therapy next week, however I would like to share part of my story, I don’t remember everything as I’ve blocked out a lot. But I have been trying to write things down as and when I remember. My story was 100% emotional abuse. Let me state, I did NOT cheat.
1: He would call me a “(detail removed by Moderator)” due to my past. He said because of this we need to (detail removed by Moderator) due to his lack of experience. He also said he could cheat and I shouldn’t be hurt by that.
2: He was a few months younger than me, as a joke ((detail removed by Moderator)) my papa called me (detail removed by Moderator), a joke my ex begun. Then when we left my papa, he stated my papa was creepy for calling me (detail removed by Moderator).
3: told me if I ever spoke to my family he would cut me off, this was while my (detail removed by Moderator) was unwell. This led to him not letting me see my (detail removed by Moderator) to say goodbye or attend the funeral.
4: He would always randomly play (detail removed by Moderator) to essentially remind me I’m a “(detail removed by Moderator)”.
5: If we were arguing, I’m (detail removed by Moderator) shorter than him, he would raise his voice and tower over me, I would explain it scares me, he would continue and call me ridiculous for being scared when he wasn’t touching me.
6: it would be 30+ degrees, I was only allowed to wear his tracksuits, hair in bun and the (detail removed by Moderator) as that showed my figure.
7: I have mental health problems, due to this, if I’m overwhelmed I dissociate. I unfortunately did this in public (detail removed by Moderator) with him, he then accused me of staring at a man.
8: He told me I didn’t have mental illness, I have been into hospital (detail removed by Moderator) times and I’m classed as disabled, he stopped my meds as they made me put on weight.
9: he told me if I didn’t have therapy to stop my behaviour and how I act, he would leave me. I was scared, as I believed he was all I had.
10: told me I was lying about past SA.
11: he said I am blessed for having him as I was heavier.
12: he told me, he had to pick my friends. He had a list of criteria which they had to fit & NOBODY fit it.
13: he wouldn’t let me pay my phone bill, this caused them to shut my phone off, so my friends and family couldn’t get hold of me.
14: he told me the only reason he ever bothered with me at the start was because I have a bigger chest and wanted to see him. This was a thought of his was years apparently before we started dating.
That’s all I remember for now, however I am ready to move on, these past (detail removed by Moderator) months have been about learning to survive without him, I have a lot of work to do, however I think sharing my story and being able to read and support other women’s stories will be helpful.
None of us are alone 💕
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Documenting what’s happened often allows us to see things more clearly & from what you’ve said this is 100% abusive.
I can relate to several of your points and also used to have the same song played full volume as a harassment tactic.
Therapy will help you process all of this & I know all the wonderfully supportive ladies on here will be here to listen at every step of your journey to peace xx-
Definitely, I’ve found writing it down has helps me see things clearly, otherwise it can get extremely clouded. Oh my goodness, you had the same song played too?? Oh yes, the full volume. I had gotten complaints from my neighbours as he was doing the same thing.
Thank you so much. 💕
It’s honestly nice to know that I’m not alone, that there are people who understand. Xx
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You’re definitely not alone & I get the thing with not being physically abused, that you genuinely doubt whether it was abuse but I reckon that’s the twist with emotional abuse, that it messes with your judgement & you are so used to it it’s hard to see when it’s not right.
That song!! OMG so annoying, but then he also had a whole playlist he’d put on all with the messages of being unfaithful, (detail removed by Moderator), etc. yawn!
What you’ve described is very similar to what lots of us have experienced.
You’re not alone. I’m a few months out with legal proceedings pending, it’s a difficult journey & feels like it’ll never end. The control is still happening through financial commitments but I’m feeling more in control & having gone through grieving over the loss of the relationship & future I thought we had, I’m seeing positives for the future & just keep focusing on those x -
You are certainly not alone many of us here can relate sweetie. What you have written sounds horrendous and most definatly abusive I am so glad you are getting some help to guide you through. For what its worth I forget alot too I think its just how we manage to still get up each day.
Writing it down talking about it as hard as it may be is a definate help. We are always here to listen and really do understand. Xxxx
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