Was this stalking?

[Hollapops-]

Hi all, I hope everyone is doing okay and feeling cared for on here. I went to the police this week to voice a few concerns and spoke with a lovely worker. During the convo, some behaviour really jumped out at me and wondering if this has happened to anyone. I met my (detail removed by moderator) ex on a dating site; however I was on a few different apps just like him and one of them provided a link to Facebook profiles. I think he had tried to talk to me a few times on the dating app but I didn’t see his messages. The first message I actually saw from him was too good to be true, it was like he was the male version of me. I obviously really liked this and began dating him. Looking back there were far too many shared interests and coincidences that had me hooked and I’m now convinced that he had stalked my social media and he was besotted with the fantasy of what he wanted me to be and off course when the relationship progressed and reality was different that’s when he began to disgard and abuse me. Does this sound familiar? It’s been quite a while since he left me now and I’m in a healthier place and I keep all my networks hidden etc. I just don’t think this is the last I’ll hear of him due to realising he was much odder than I thought. I just can’t settle as he was obviously so obsessed and then he just treated me like a stranger..it’s so unhinged and I can’t trust the silence. I’m scared.

[EeyoreNoMore]

I’m not sure if this is stalking. I think it’s just him doing his research so that you can easily relate to him. They’re very good at this.

Also the whole thing where he worships you and puts you on a pedestal that you cannot possibly live up to and then he’s upset that you’re not as wonderful as he thought – totally normal for abusers unfortunately.

[Dragonfly]

Hi hollapops

I think he was mirroring you. Making out like he’s completely into the same things you are. Too good to be true. He’s definitely managed to find stuff out about you by whatever way. Controllers and manipulators do this as part of their bigger plan. That is to know how to mistreat you when they need their fix. Then the cycle starts again.

Remember it’s those individuals that have the problem not you x

[Serenity]

My ex hooked me by mirroring me too. It’s a typical tactic.

My ex gleaned information about me by asking me lots of questions, as this was in the days before the internet. Nowadays, perpetrators use the internet to do this.

I am on FB and had a message one day from someone I don’t know. He’d obviously looked at my profile page and made a comment based on the limited info he found there, claiming he was off to do something he guessed I was interested in! Good thing is, I could see right through it. My privacy settings are such that people who aren’t friends can only see my main profile page: ensure that your social media security settings are correct.

Knowledge is power: when you know what abuser tactics are, you are more protected x

[Author]

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