Watching new supply be lovebombed

[Bananaboat]

It’s fascinating watching the new supply being lovebombed and also quite triggering.

But watching his tactics, is fascinating. Buying gifts, smoozing friends & family, practically moving in until he goes I’ll just stay (and it’s only been a short time). It’s like a cat stalking its unsuspecting prey. I can tell what’s coming next because he did the same to me. Doing things which make you think aww but are actually controlling/manipulating you.

It’s triggering watching from the outside thinking how did I fall for this, was I so naive, but also makes me angry because you can now see how fake it all was.?I’m staying well away and know the truth will come out in time, poor woman. Also makes me angry because while he’s showering her he’s neglecting his child financially and emotionally.

Mixed emotions! Any one been through the same? x

[minimeerkat]

i am so sorry you are having to see this behaviour – has there been no way of shielding yourself from it at all.
it is just so very common & done for several purposes. one is to get a reaction from you – to hurt you, make you doubt yourself – ‘it must have been me if he is behaving differently & appearing so happy’.
then he is doing it as a way of denying the abuse & protecting himself – how could he have been the problem when he is now so devoted to someone else.
it is just so very very sad if this does make him neglectful of his parental responsibilities though. makes you wonder what the new woman in his life would think if she knew how little he was contributing to his childs emotional & financial welfare.
all you can think is that it must take a lot of effort & hard work to maintain this facade, as he will have to watch everything he says & does. he cannot afford to mess up so it will be incredibly stressful.
your mixture of emotions is very normal. is there anyone you can talk to about how you feel, are you having any counselling
you know the truth. and as you have said, the truth will come out. you could feel quite sorry for the woman. she could actually be particularly vulnerable to the person he is pretending to be x

[Bananaboat]

This is really helpful way of looking at it thank you. Of course he’ll be stressed worrying about slipping up, I hadn’t thought of that. He likes single mums so I also keep thinking to myself if only she knew what he’s done to mine would she still be singing his praises and exposing her child to him. But in the same breath I realise she’ll have been fed a pack of lies about me.

I’ve been on a waiting list for the only trauma based support group but it’s a long wait, sadly can’t afford to go private but I definitely think counselling is a good step. Thank you again xx

[Dontlikehotweather]

Going through exactly the same. I am having all sorts of thoughts go through my head. I feel frustrated that I am so helpless to defend myself. He has done a smear campaign against me, quite a nasty one, and I keep thinking about our mutual friends encouraging him and running me down, even though that may not be the case. I am angry that he gets to walk away and live his life as if he’s done nothing wrong and I am stuck with clearing up his mess. At the moment he pays child maintenance but I am expecting that to stop. I knew he was seeing someone as his behaviour changed towards our daughter. It’s when he can fit her in now. Although she wants nothing to do with him anyway. I also compare myself like is she thinner, prettier, younger, etc even though I have no idea who she is. I am still grieving our relationship and I can’t get my head around how he has moved on so quickly after 20 years. Sorry to sabotage your post but when I started writing it all came out. Counselling is a good idea. I have just booked me an appointment to get these feelings out x

[Bananaboat]

Don’t worry, it’s nice to know we’re not alone isn’t it and good to get our thoughts written down. Sorry you’re going through similar. This isn’t his first so I’ve been through that stage of ‘how could you move on so fast, did I mean nothing’ and it does pass as you see him in new light. I think for me anyway, this new gf is definitely more serious and mirrors his approach in our relationship. They can’t be alone, so they seek out new supplies anywhere possible so please stop comparing yourself – it will do you no good!! The criteria will be someone who allows him to do whatever rather than being a model with billions in the bank 😉

Remember they have to be the victim. So, like you I’ve been cut off from all his family & friends, luckily that doesn’t feel like a loss for me, his family are toxic but I can get that it does for others.

My ex was not my first abuser and I have a child from a previous one too. Go me! But anyway, my eldest chooses not to see her dad now and can totally see his behaviour. She still reaches out at times, hopes it’ll be ok this time but he always lets her down. I hope your daughter finds that along the road too. As for maintenance, if you can then try to budget living costs without relying on it do because yup, it’s another tool that they love to whip away. Hopefully your ex is employed so you can go via CMS, sadly mine is self employed so it’s pointless as he’ll just fudge the books. Sorry that reply was longer than I planned xx

[StrongLife]

Yes – it then all changes. I have not seen it in action as I have no contact with ex.
I was showered with gifts and attention and such – calls upon calls initially then it went away to be replaced by his true nature of which he was covering and not being honest about.

[tiredanddrained]

Just remember this new relationship is not going to work out. As an entitled n********t can’t have a happy relationship which is the criteria most abusers sadly meet. He is just setting up his new supply and the end goal will be to devalue and degrade her. At that point she will be living in hell. The hell you escaped and she will then realise all the stories he made up about you were lies. You can live in the knowledge the poor girl has all this coming. It may look for a while it is all perfect to others as that’s what i did at first. Hid the abuse and painted a rosy picture of us on social media as looking so happy. It wasn’t true. He had already started shouting at me, pushing me into walls. Calling me vile names n then the oh he was so sorry. I eventually realised all the stuff he had said about his ex cheating on him was lies as he started accusing me of cheating. It may even take a few years to unfold but it will not work out. You may even get a message from the new woman asking if he done all these things to you. If you do please tell her the truth. I after (detail removed by moderator) sent his ex a message asking if he had physically abused her too as i had been going through that with him and if she believed he (detail removed by moderator). Her response showed what she had went through too along with the psychological abuse. As her response was “(detail removed by moderator).” She was so right. As that is exactly what happened. So he will repeat the exact same horrible emotional abuse on her.

You on the other hand now are free and as a non abusive petson have the chance when ready of course of having a healthy happy relationship. He won’t ever have that as abusers only know how to want power and control. Not how to love.

Well done on getting out. You are amazing and beyond strong! 💖💖💖

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