We see things as we are, not as they are

[KIP.]

Just something that made me think. As good decent empathetic people, we can assume other people think the same way. Nothing could be further from the truth when it comes to an abuser. See them for who they really are, not through the lense of who we are.

[Hetty]

Totally true Kip. I entered my last relationship authentic, honest and open for a loving relationship. My ex deceived me as he was still with another woman unbeknown to me. Said he liked things I did. Total rubbish. One goal and one goal only – find a woman to abuse x

[Anonymous]

I relate to this 100%. So scary!

[NeedANewMe]

This was my situation too, I didnt know at first just kept ending the relationship and blocking me. Then I found out later on from him when he admitted he hasnt been single for the time he said. He was still seeing her pretty much whilst with me. This time we have split he doesnt have anyone as I think it was a shock it actually ended.. so now i think great the next girl has a clean fresh start, he can tell the truth that he was single and maybe she will have his number from the start too. I am so scared he changes for the next as the whole starting of their relationship will be on truth.

[KIP.]

The next relationship will just be a repeat of yours. Hooking his next victim in,someone vulnerable to him. Then she will be treated the same way. He’s an abuser, it’s just what he does. Did you ever report the abuse to the police? Did you use Claire’s Law to find out if he had previous convictions?

[NeedANewMe]

Hi KIP, yes a family member used Claire’s law when they were a little concerned. There was something on there yes it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was but now there is a bit on there from me and her. I should tell them a bit more as it was a few years ago.

Xx

[ISOPeace]

Yes that is a really great observation! How Many times have you found yourself totally confused by some abusive action and thinking “how could he do such a gratuitously vicious thing?”… because he believes his needs are of utmost important and he has the right to use force to ensure they’re met.

For me, the fact that he shows empathy in some situations made me really confused. Now I see that empathy is possible for him IF there is no impact on his own needs being met. Xxxx

[KIP.]

They’re great at faking empathy when they have too. They’re great at faking many emotions when they have to. Oscar winning. X

[Hetty]

Oh yes so true. My ex would help little old granny’s across the street. Come home and call me a c**t or lazy if I needed to rest cos I was poorly. How delightful xx

[gettingtired]

Mine always feels really sorry when he sees homeless women on the street and wants to give them money, sometimes he will or if he doesn’t have change will ask me. It’s hard separating that from the person they are sometimes x

[KIP.]

Yes, I’m not changing my authentic self but I will be much more wary before allowing others in my life. It’s funny at the beginning of the relationship he too liked what I did. I was this fabulous woman, independent which he loved. He loved my taste in music and that I was a great cook. By the end of the relationship my music was suicidal and I couldn’t make a decent meal for him. Jeez. Lucky escape. Might have taken a couple decades but I’m a slow learner lol. Have a good day x good riddance to bad rubbish x

[Author]

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