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Hi all
It’s taken me a long time to realise that I am obviously in an abusive relationship with my husband. I am trapped because I live a long way from my family. He has moved us miles away from everyone
I can’t believe I am saying this but he has a weird obsession with peeing and pooping in the fact that he makes me poop on him and I can’t go to the toilet without him walking in on me
It’s better to just go along with it as saying no I get sulking, banging doors, cupboards etc.
At night he wakes me up for sex. I tell him the baby needs feeding so he will get him for me, then he will ask milk for him and not for me. He once really hurt my nipples. If I say I am tired then he says how much do you love me? I will love you more if you do this. I get texts asking if I have been to toilet yet? It’s getting me down and I can’t
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I have 3 children with him so I can’t just leave but I have fantasied doing it
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I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You really need to seek out help for yourself. Help to see that this is truly dreadful abuse. It’s not your fault. It’s his. Can you talk to your GP about his behaviour. You should never have to do anything that makes you feel humiliated or uncomfortable or scared. Abuse very often escalates after child birth when we are more vulnerable. We are tired and this also makes us vulnerable. We need more sleep. My ex used to wake me during the night or very early morning when I was exhausted and wouldn’t let me sleep until I allowed him sex. That’s abuse. He’s coercing you into doing things by his behaviour when you refuse. Have you told any of your family what’s going on. Could you go and stay with them, pretending you want a short break. Then set yourself up near your family where you will have loving support. What he is doing isn’t healthy behaviour and I fear you and your child are at risk. There is a helpline number on here that you can ring for advice. They won’t judge or force you to do anything you don’t want to but will explain how you’re being abused. Take care and well done for opening up about your situation. It’s a huge step in the right direction. We are all here to help you x
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Yes you can. You can go into a women’s refuge where there will be plenty of help for you. You are free to do what you want. But please don’t discuss leaving him as it’s very dangerous when these men think we want out. There are lots of options for you. Please contact women’s aid who can help find you a safe place, potentially have him removed from your home. Help you return to where your family are. Lots of options out there if you reach out. I thought I was trapped for years but once I spoke out, I got lots of help from agencies. I think you need to build a good support network. Start with your GP, local women’s aid. You do not need to stay in an abusive relationship. It’s not healthy for you or your children x
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Why do they use emotional blackmail? I have noticed that when he senses that I have had enough, he changes back into the guy I fell in love with. Even kisses on texts, he will say oh look no kisses etc. My sister warned me not to marry him but I know I can go to her
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Google the cycle of abuse. They use many tactics to keep us with them. Guilt, obligation, fear, emotional blackmail, threats of violence, threats of suicide, a broken home, the children, anything to keep you from leaving. To keep you confused and trapped. The cycle of abuse and the power and control wheel were real eye openers for me. If they treated us badly all the time we would leave. But they love bomb us, keeping us hooked into a dysfunctional relationship. They love bomb after they have treated us badly, then slowly the return to their abusive ways, leaving us anxious and walking on eggshells until the next abusive outburst. Then the love bombing to stop us leaving when we think the wonderful man we met has returned. It’s a terrible roundabout of abuse we get stuck on. Read Living with the Dominator by PatCraven. Or Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft x
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Thank you KIP. It’s like it’s written about him. He is just like that. He gets these so-called rules on me and then when I ‘break’ them I apologise and he never apologises back. He has never hit me but he has me against the wall so I can’t get past him.
Anything I do is never good enough its always I will love you more if you…
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Yes, they always move the goal posts. Keeping us confused while they continue their abusive behaviour. Distracting us from seeing the truth. Nothing you will do will ever be enough because it’s not about that. It’s about him inventing something to abuse you over. Constantly moving the goal posts, constantly changing his demands. Not making sense, just demanding attention. Just like a toddler and a tantrum only much more dangerous.
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I can’t even go to the toilet without him following me. It’s good when he’s not here
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I am happy now because he’s at work. I should miss him and want him home.
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When I am ready I will call them
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You will know when the time is right to call. It’s important you feel in control. Just know you don’t have to live like this. Yes you should miss your partner, instead him being out is a reprieve from abuse. My partner was away recently and it was like heaven. A taste of what it will be like when I’m finally out of this mess. I should have longed for him home. Instead I was plagued by panic, dread and nightmares.
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