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    • #147962

      Morning, I am new here and I think I have actually gone numb and living in a daze as it feels too much, worried I am shutting down and not reacting as I should no more and need to know if this is normal? (detail removed by moderator) weeks ago I decided to stand up to a controlling boyfriend, I said I was no longer happy and had been notified by Claire’s law of his previous behaviour, this left me with (detail removed by moderator) Over the last (detail removed by moderator) weeks as I have persisted with leaving him. (detail removed by moderator) later he showed up at a friends house I was at and gained entry, (detail removed by moderator) police were called and they basically took photographs of injuries and nobody had contacted me for days, he again (detail removed by moderator) later came into my home through a back door and threatened me to tell the police I was lying or he (Detail removed by moderator). I now have a security system and cameras, had a marak meeting the following week and went through a safety plan. (detail removed by moderator) I thought it had calmed down until (detail removed by moderator). Luckily my daughter was away with school. I have 2 adult children and a teenager, this is making it impossible to go anywhere as they have lives and I feel I will loose them if I do so. He has been arrested since then for breaking his bail conditions, released few hours later. The last time I seen him (detail removed by moderator) I am unsure why I haven’t rang the police, this is the worst part, I feel slightly let down by them and worried more so, as I am currently under investigation from social services only through his behaviour and I am terrified they are going to take my teenage daughter away, she hasn’t witnessed anything and every professional at the MARAK knows I do not wish to be with him and just wishing he ends up in jail this month for around (detail removed by moderator), I am mentally drained. I feel like no matter what I do i am wrong. Keep asking myself how on earth could I be more scared of loosing my daughter than him killing me, surely this is not normal and I am messed up.

    • #148082
      Main Moderator

      Hi Littlegirllost,

      It sounds like you’ve been through a huge amount even in the time since you left, let alone whatever has happened within the relationship before the events that you describe. Honestly, there’s no script for how you should react or what’s normal here. People react and cope in all kinds of ways and all of them are valid. This numbness and living in a daze can be quite a typical response to experiencing trauma.

      Talking things through can help. Have you had contact with any support away from the MARAC? Local domestic abuse services are sometimes able to provide formal counselling, but even if they don’t they should be aware of other local services where you can get help to work through everything and they should be able to offer some ongoing emotional support. You could also speak with your GP about what’s going on for you and access some extra support that way.

      I know it can be really scary to feel like power is being taken away and decisions made without you. Do you have an IDVA (domestic abuse advocate)? It’s common to have an advocate to support you with MARAC but they can help communicating with other agencies too, like social services.

      Take care and keep posting,

    • #148087
      Stuck in The mud

      Get a non molestation order on him to protect yourself, if he breaks the order he will go to prison.

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