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Hi, not sure why I’m even posting but guess I’m just feeling a bit down and can’t quite pinpoint what’s going on. Its been 3 months since I moved into my new house with the kids and its been such a positive thing. Everything has been going great and I’ve felt happier and more positive than I have in a long time. He moved far away so he can’t just turn up which is a relief. And he’s been in touch regularly since, sometimes normal, often just reminding me of how c****y I made his life. We had a couple of calls a few weeks ago which i ended because they just slipped into old habits.
Now I’m feeling a bit off kilter. I’m not doubting my choices but I’m not feeling the same happy vibes I was. I’m wondering if its because I haven’t heard from him and I’ve just been so used to having him in my ear or in my texts and even though I didn’t like it – it feels odd that its not there anymore?
Am i just adjusting to no longer having that in my life? I don’t miss it but i’m used to it i think. Does that make sense?
Our daughter is going to stay with him for a few weeks soon too and I’m not sure if that is making me feel a bit worried too.
I feel quite tired at the moment and bit flat – struggling to motivate myself. Is that normal? I’m feeling a bit disappointed with myself that I’m not embracing the joy still. I feel so incredibly lucky to be out so why aren’t I still feeling that initial joy?
I’m not sure what I’m trying to say i just feel like I need to get it out of my head somehow. Sorry for the ramble, just feeling a bit off. -
The way I see is a bit like grief it can hit you at any point and can hit you hard. Youve spent years and years fighting in that constant state of fear that fight or flight that its no wonder now you are safe your brain is like wow whats going on here and you feel exhausted and low. Its takes a huge amount of courage to leave to start again im sure and I can imagine it took everything you had and some so of course theres gonna be times when you are flat and low and done. But like anything it will pass. Allpw yourself to feel this cry if you need too but then wipe those tears and get back up.
I think you are incredable be proud stand tall and allow it to come and pass over you sweetie.
Hugs xxxx-
Ah thank you for saying all that. I think you are right. I need to take some time to adjust and settle into a new normal.
I hadn’t thought about the constant high alert – I guess it kind of feels odd not having to be prepared and maybe I am just exhausted by the last year but also all of the years.
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