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    • #13256
      betterdays
      Participant

      Remembering him saying he wernt going to come back until things changed. He said we both had to change x

    • #13266
      Herindoors
      Participant

      Yes this is a tactic. My ex would say this to me constantly while we were still together. That he would not change his behaviour until I changed mine first. That we both had to change. That we were both to blame for what was going wrong. That it was 50/50 etc… It made me doubt myself for many years.
      As you have probably experienced, even if you then try to change and do what he is asking you to do, its never enough, its always wrong. That’s because its not our fault and we don’t need to change.
      Take care xx

      • #13273
        betterdays
        Participant

        Thanks for your reply herindoors so it were a tatactic. He’s still saying it now how he’s not coming back to how it were before me aurguing wbich really means me challenging him for bus abuse. Bow we both had to change he also knows I’m much stronger since doing freedom programme. He lives close to me in his flat he wants me to go begging to him x

    • #13281
      Nemo
      Participant

      Yes it is a tactic – my experience was the exact same as Herindoors.
      Stay strong ❤ it sounds like you’re doing so well and you’re recognising his tactics – power to you 👍

      • #13284
        betterdays
        Participant

        Thanks Nemo I’m a lot stronger now thanks to freedom programme. But I’m still hurting and he were still coming up with mixed messages to confuse me. Which is why having to do no contact x

    • #13359
      Whathaveidone
      Participant

      I havent left mine yet but he always says to me that we both have to take the blame for his behaviour but he’s not going to change because its part of his personality, who he is. I’m the one that has to change and learn how to deal / manage him and that I have the power to so so…???? contradictory ? double bluff? It confuses me so much but I just don’t understand how it sounds so stupid written down yet so convincing when he says it. Oh and if I challenge him in the slighest we’re suddenly having an “argument” and I’m being “defensive” which he “hates”. (mind you he’s the one raising his voice, getting aggressive and actually being defensive).

      • #13374
        betterdays
        Participant

        Hi whathaveidone wow yours sounds exactly the sane wben I challenged him I were classed as been aurgumentative. Infact he basically said ges not coming back to how it were before falling out every 2 minutes. Basically me getting into him about the abuse I’ve to let it go in other words. He got inside my head for yrs convinced me I were starting by aurguing it wernt an aurgument were trying to make him see sense I’m amazed these arseholes are all the same. Never again!!!!!!!!!! X

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