What a Good Man Looks Like

[Anonymous]

In contrast here to what we are all dealing with or have dealt with in the past, I think it important to nail to the wall what a good man is or largely consists of… Feel free to add to it. To me, if we don’t have this one sketched out it’s kinda like going to the market without a list of things you need for your recipe that you are going to make later. You end up buying squash when you actually needed tomatoes, and peppers when it calls for squash. Buying a car? Oh just let the salesman tell you want you want, right? Er noo… Surprise me! Wrong again, I think we’ve rang that doorbell a few many times already. Surprised look is now tattooed to my face as a permanent fixture!

Here goes….

He doesn’t mow you over about who he is. Doesn’t need to.
He likes himself in a very true and self approving kind of way, nothing arrogant about it.
He doesn’t have to have you in his life. He wants you in his life.
He doesn’t mind being vulnerable. Doesn’t make him cringe.
If possible, he has a good relationship with his mother or at least he tried…but doesn’t carry a bag of unresolved hatred for her even though she might deserve it…
You never feel like you can’t talk to him about anything and if he’s not in the mood, he doesn’t attack you about it, he just simply says, I can’t do this right now, how about a little later because I do really want to be able to – listen….
You know when he holds you that it’s not always about sex.
When it is about sex, it has to be mutual and he is perfectly fine at wooing you in that direction to the tune of the roadmap that you have already laid out for him as to – how to get there.
He not only knows that a relationship is a partnership, he knows that it’s not about 2 halves, it’s about 2 wholes coming together and he looks for you to be – a whole.
He cares deeply about his life, his demeanor, his words, his actions affect other people and especially – you.
He doesn’t you to boost his ego, change his diaper or do much of anything for him except love him.
He’s always a good date, even when you’ve known him for decades.
He does the little things and keeps doing them.
He pays attention and takes cues from you because he knows sometimes we have to speak other languages if the spoken one is failing us.
He is loyal and if he says something – he means it and he never says anything that he will need to take back because it was so horrific in nature. If he did, he will immediately own it and beg you to forgive him.
He is a man who protects those he loves which means never hurting them to the point of drawing blood in any way whatsoever and if he did this would so offend his own honor code that he’d do everything in his power to correct it, without being told to do so.
He wants a partner, not a mother.
He has no problem expressing his feelings because it doesn’t embarrass him to do so and he doesn’t think it makes him weak. Quite the opposite.
He has plans and he executes them but wants your input all along the way.
He respects you. He respects himself.
He’s a lover of life, people, animals, nature and everything that is lovely about this world.
Oh and he has no problem putting the hammer down on any fool that thinks he’s going to mess with any of this either.

Thoughts?

[Cuppatea]

I love this.

Especially the relationship with his mother part. I cannot agree more.
I knew someone who didn’t have a good relationship with his mother and he treated women like dirt. And it’s so true. When a man respects his mother he will respect which ever woman is in his life. And I’m talking from experience.

Also the two whole people coming together 👏 👏 👏

Yesssssssss!!!!!!!

He wouldn’t want to drag you with him. He wants you to be completely yourself. And he wouldn’t change anything about you. He finds you this perfect human being for himself.

He will respect you in front of everyone. He will not belittle you. Or make fun of you. Or embarrass you.

He will not force his opinion down your throat. And he’d always consider your feelings and emotions. He is the type of man who if he could he’d bring the stars down for you. And he would never give up on you. Because of how special you are.

[Anonymous]

And you know what Cuppa……it’s not about either being perfect. Not at all. It’s about being so at peace with yourself as a man and willing to learn and grow and to do that with someone else – that matters. Men who are very insecure will always exhibit the behaviors that just tear us to bits. Just know that a rich soul, a fulfilled one, a healthy one will have an overabundance of life and love because they don’t take it from anyone. They create it within themselves. It is a wellspring.

Not sure if you’ve ever read “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran but he was one of my earliest writers that I dearly love and fell in love with immediately. Was in college, fresh out of my abusive home life. I will post here what was written about “Love” and “Marriage”. Will do both of them. Enjoy!

LOVE

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

MARRIAGE

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

[Anonymous]

Also, wanted to say that any man who has a bad relationship with his mother is something you need to take a very very hard look at because if it’s not resolved, you will be the target for it all. We can’t all have good mothers and some of them are harpies from hades but what we can do is lay it to rest and resolve as best we can without transferring it over into our relationship with our mate.

All of the guys in my life that were abusive had enormous problems with their mothers……….big hatred going on there.

Someone’s true nature comes out in everything they do, never forget that one. It can’t be a thing of “OH, I can only be nice over here and with that person and when it pleases me and when I have something to gain from it and if I’m tired screw you kind of thing. Uh no. The fiber that they are made of you see in everything they do. So if that’s not happening then you know you have a counterfeit on your hands. We have to learn how to be good inspectors. 🙂

[Author]

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