What a roller coaster…. Why am I so weak for hoovering??

[Anabela]

I feel so guilty as if I have to confess. For being so weak. I told him I have had enough. I torn my sim card, blocked him on social media. And I got such a light feeling. Like now I can start afresh. Have a life. It did not take long before I got a message from new contact on social media, which by the name I recognized it was him (as it was something that had a meaning to me). I was not strong enough not to read it. I was not strong enough not to reply. I did not say I am coming back. Instead I was giving all the reasons why I don’t want this relationship and why I want to be by myself. we exchange a few conversations. And then he said he is coming to my country. I did not want this. I did not want to see him or meet him, but at the same time I was starting to miss him. But then I blocked him again hoping it would be a sign I mean it. But the next day I got an email that he is still flying… And I met him. And it felt good. But at the same time I kept saying to myself it is artificial. It is honeymoon. And I am so sick of honeymoons because they are not real. And promises promises promises. And I don’t feel at ease. Things seem to be good but I am tense. And from time to time when we touch a more serious topic, he kind of indirectly starts to blame me. that I was giving him pressure at some points in our relationship. That I have to be positive etc. I don’t know how to describe those conversations as he is not shouting, his voice is quiet and yet I feel drained after talking (or listening to him, as it is mainly listening). He says he is not a victim, but he sounds like one. And yes, I know he had a hard life. And he has tears in his eyes while talking. And I feel a bad guy. And I dont understand what’s going on. Just some time ago I was saying to him I need a break and now I am sort of pressured to make up my mind (but I did. before he came to my country). I am tired of this and still feel incapable to put the final end… And he said he wants to get a job here. And my city is not that big. He knows places I go to. I could just bump into him on the street. I am just tired of this… I just can’t end this relationship face to face…. and yes, there is a fear in the background. He is nice but I know that he is not always nice. Once bitten twice shy..

[Tiffany]

We are all weak when it comes to hoovering. It’s why no contact is so important. Have you considered coming off social media altogether to block that route to you if you know it is a challenge? Alternatively change your name on your account so that he can’t find you? I have some friends who are school teachers and they often change their social media names to things that are totally ridiculous to stop students finding them. One of them uses the name of a breakfast cereal, another picked two names starting with their initials but otherwise no similarities. And someone else just made up a fantasy name. It might help. I honestly wouldn’t try to end things face to face. It’s dangerous and these men are unpredictable. I would end it via whatever media channel you are using at the moment and block all contact again.

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