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(detail removed by Moderator) he awoke and tried to jump on top of me and he said that I was having sex whether I wanted it or not. I pushed him off he called me names and is now not talking to me and I know when he gets home tonight hes going to be nasty until he gets his own way. This weekend he told me he was going to get sex elsewhere as I was (detail removed by Moderator).
The other day I had a melt down a small argument with my child ended up huge and I lost it. I (detail removed by Moderator). I tried to cover it up I couldnt be alone so I went out to a class I do. My PT was there and noticed (detail removed by Moderator).
Ive said b4 he knows my husband isnt nice but ive never spoke about incidents etc. Anyway he put 2 and 2 together made 5 and kept asking me all weekend if my husband was sexually abusive to me. Eventually I said yes I think he is. I didnt go into detail and we chatted and I feel so much better but I also feel c**p as I lied sort of he didnt ask about when or what or how but I let him to believe my self harm was my husband not me thats wrong thats so very wrong. Ive said b4 how bad my husband gets over sex how he can be rough and demanding how he uses sex and how he often makes me feel so guilty i will do whatever he asks how he makes me feel useless and unloved if I dont allow sex and yes in the past he has forced me but I dont say no i dont fight him off so can it be abuse? Have I lied to someone who is really trying to help me? I feel full of guilt today on a day when I should be happy my husband knows what a big day it is for me I am actually today doing a job that ive been training for the last year ive been given a chance to show what I can do to a huge organisation that want to help me grow this could be amazing and im s******g my pants as it is I doubt myself I cant believe they want someone like me but they do and Im so grateful I want to give it all I got but his nastiness today the guilt of the weekend my nerves are all just taking over and im worried Im gonna be in such a state I will fail at this as I have in my marriage. -
Deep breath. You can do this.
This company sees you and your potential. They want you and they want you to succeed. They are positive and encouraging. Allow yourself to blossom and flourish. Put your husband to the back of your mind (I know how hard that is) as today is about you and not him.
You’ve got this. You have been so strong to get this far and this is absolutely something you can do. Have confidence, we are all cheering you on. Xx-
@marmalade Thank you but Was I wrong to say yes to the abuse question? He didnt mention the marks he didnt ask when he just asked if he was.
I cant help but think I now dont deserve this opportunity.
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nbumblebee you were absolutely not wrong to say yes he is sexually abusive. That is the situation you live through. As you say your PT didn’t mention the marks. Even if he had done, you were asked a question and you gave an honest answer. You have nothing, absolutely nothing to worry about.
We tie ourselves in knots second guessing everything we say, agonising we have got something wrong because these men destroy our confidence and make us believe we are to blame. But we are not to blame. They are to blame, but they feel no remorse for the way they treat us. You have done nothing wrong and can hold your head up high.
I have lived through the sexual abuse issues. The threats and sulks that mean we consent to stuff we don’t want but the consequences of refusal are too bad. It is no way to live.
Spread your wings. You have been given the confidence to fly by this company. So soar and show them what you can do.
This is your day and your success. Don’t let him and thoughts of him in today. This is all about you and celebrating what you have achieved. Go for it! X -
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Nbumblebee ❤️ you are spinning, ground yourself in the way which works for you. You haven’t done anything wrong. You were asked a question and you answered honestly, you do not owe your PT an explanation. If you want to keep chatting to him do, if you want to change the subject you can. It is ypur choice what you decide to disclose.
Your work opportunity sounds exciting, of course nerve wracking but …they see your potential and worth ❤️ hugs
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But he is sexually abusive, you didn’t lie.
It’s your truth and up-to you how much you share. A caring person wouldn’t call you out and say about the marks not being linked – however they are linked aren’t they because you self harm because of all of the abuse, current and past. x
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I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you, sometimes we just can’t see the truth in these relationships.
When you say in the first post how can it be abuse if I let it happen, that is also abuse, removing your choice to say no, making you feel like you have to do it to keep the peace, not recognising you’re not enjoying it or not caring if you are/not, feeling frozen – it’s all abuse but I know how difficult you find that word. Stay safe. As others have said try reaching out to womansaid, you definitely deserve some support xx
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He knew something big was coming up for you and he was determined to destroy it for you. That’s the way he thinks and will always work to bring you down. Talking about your sexual abuse to this PT isn’t a good idea. We minimise abuse but it’s shocking to others. It’s leaving you vulnerable. Do you have a support worker from WA?
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It was a control tactic. Something big coming up for you so he was going to remind you that he is still the boss and you belong to him. But, he and the incident, did not stop you. You have so much more strength, courage and confidence than you realise. You have step by step moved yourself forward despite him and despite his opposition. That takes a huge amount of inner strength.
You also give kind and sensible advice to multiple ladies on this forum. You always put yourself out to help others. So, give yourself the same kindness. Stand outside yourself and see how much you have achieved and feel proud.
I know you can’t use the word abuse so OK, if you prefer, look at your relationship as a toxic marriage in which you are utterly miserable. Now weigh up your options. Do you want to still be this unhappy and miserable in 20 years time? Do you have options? Think about what you would like to do and where you want to be.
No one can make any decisions for you, just support you. But look how far you have come and realise how strong you really are x -
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Can I add a little update?
It went ok, not perfect but I hope I managed to overcone the obsticles. I have emailed the main boss and am now stressing feeling sick waiting for her feedback. Sadly I gave in ny notice for a small part time job I have it broke my heart he gets at me constantly and bullies me to give it up and ive stood firm till now but I had to stop I cant cope with everything my head feels like it could explode but my hope is that I did so good lots more work will come my way better money better opportunities but he doesnt know this I however feel like he is won and i know he does too. But we carry on, new day and I need to put back on my face and keep going for the kids if nothing else.
Thank you so so much for all the support yesterday without being dramatic I wouldnt have gone without your support so Thank you each and every one of you xxxxx-
It sounds like leaving your old job will give you more of a chance to focus on this big, new opportunity. I know it’s easy to say but don’t let him ruin your special moments. You’ve done so well to achieve what you have whilst living through this.
You haven’t done anything wrong, you’ve not lied to anyone in any way. You’re a wonderful, honest person and abuse makes us worry constantly and feel hypervigilant like we’ve said or done the wrong thing when in reality that’s not the case at all xxxx -
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