What about birthdays?

[enofadov]

Coming up to our sons birthday. The first milestone since being free.
What do I do?
He’s messaged asking my plans.
Do I let him see him??
He only has supervised contact right now but it’s his child’s birthday I feel so bad

[Twisted Sister]

Please don’t feel under any pressure to comply with any of his requests. This is how it is to be free, he certainly mustnt know your plans!

Please block him all his requests for contact should go through contact centre for supervised.

People normally do birthdays on nearest weekend.

Nothing changes, try to keep in mind every time he hurt you and child is how he got himself I to tis position. He is not your friend, so remember not to let him in as if he is. I hope that might help you to not take any of the guilt for this?

Warmest wishes ts

[KIP.]

Do not break supervised visitation. He will use it against you if you allow unsupervised visits. You might as well hand your son over to him. Do not give him the opportunity to use this against you. It reduces your credibility and he will say, well she allowed unsupervised visits so she’s making up what she said and why should I carry on having supervision. Don’t undo all the hard work. He can see him the nearest supervised day to his birthday. He would be away on work and miss it anyway. Don’t overthink. Just have a great day with your son. No hassle, no guilt tripping. Just the way you and your child want to celebrate x

[freedomtochoose]

Hello love,
Part of this journey is about reestablishing and recovering your bonds of motherhood and child.

I would say to you, in your head to go forward to what a birthday is for in the first place. It is to celebrate the moment a person was born. You and your child did that, together. And yes medical staff may have helped, but this is such an important attachment relationship going forward, focus on that.

So doing something nice and joyful for both of you in that sense (and doesn’t need to be anything very complicated…) may be over several days anyway…hope this helps a bit, if not I don’t mind at all every one is different..

ftc
x

[itwillbeokay]

Hello,

Ugh, milestones. Very difficult. Our older child’s birthday caused lots of ructions and I knew it would. I was dreading it. I let him see him the weekend before but figured if he had a job (!) he would’ve been at work on the day itself. I sent him a message mid morning to see if he wanted to ring him but he didn’t bother. I got passive aggressive upsetting messages from my mother in law. It was hard so I get the anxiety. But I agree don’t move away from what’s been agreed or he’ll use it against you. Birthdays, Christmas (ugh), anniversaries, all perfect for them to lay the guilt on even thicker than normal and avoid any accountability for their actions even more than they usually do. Switch on your heart of stone for the day. Says me who is useless at this but I’m trying. He will see him just before or just after as agreed. He’s using it to manipulate you and suck you in emotionally. What was he like about their birthdays before you left?

Much love xx

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