What am I meant to do…?

[BraveStrongSmart]

I haven’t told any of my family or friends the full extent of my relationship with my abusive ex. He controlled me very well and manipulated me even better it just makes me sick thinking about it now.
I can’t leave the house for food shopping in case he’s waiting for me. I can’t even go out for daily exercise in case he attacks me. Even though he’s on bail conditions to not contact me or come near my home I’m still wary of him.
Is it normal to be this paranoid about it even after leaving them and involving the police??

[KIP.]

Yes, I was extremely’paranoid’. It’s a healthy way to be, not to underestimate these men and your gut is telling you to be careful. It took me a long time to move past that feeling. I carried two phones and a personal alarm and only went out in my car for a long time. I was also diagnosed with PTSD. Have you spoken to your GP. Do you have a police marker on your home and phone and do you have support from women’s aid. Do you have anyone that can come to your home and walk with you for exercise?

[BraveStrongSmart]

Hey, I haven’t been able to speak to my gp as they are extremely busy to get through… I’ve not contacted women’s aid either or got any markers on my phone or home. Is this necessary? As all I do is sit in my room on a daily basis. Quite depressing really.

My mom or sister usually walks with me for exercise but they are both currently unwell. I just seem to be sitting in my room most hours of the day.

[KIP.]

Please contact women’s aid. They can offer ongoing support and let you know what’s available. Having a police marker on your home and phone will make you feel safer. It also means you will receive priority as a high risk. The risk assessment can be done through women’s aid too. Victim support are also a good source of info and support. There’s also the Samaritans who are free to ring if you need to speak to someone. It’s good to talk and you ought to look into therapy or counselling.

[BraveStrongSmart]

Thanks KIP. I’ll look into it contacting women’s aid and victim support. I was getting therapy but seems like the therapist team were busy in fitting me in with sessions so I’m just surviving on my own at the moment… it did help finding myself on my own but now I seem to be travelling in a downward spiral truth be told.

[KIP.]

Is there anyone you can confide in. Someone who will understand his behaviour? Now you’re free from him your brain has space to process the abuse so things may get difficult for a while but it’s another phase and it will pass. Look at some mindfulness exercises to reduce the adrenaline that causes anxiety. Yoga is also good. I’ve downloaded a beginners 15 minute exercise. Have a look at trauma and it’s effects. Try to write down three positive things every day. Just know you’re not alone and you won’t always feel this way x

[BraveStrongSmart]

I’ve tried confiding one friends and it has helped a bit. I just feel exhausted from all the mental drainage and overthinking of it all. I’m just reading some books on trauma and dealing with abusive relationships.
I’ve tried meditating but just not been able to concentrate enough to calm my anxiety.
Just hope this passes by!!xx

[KIP.]

Yes it will pass but it will take time so be patient. Have you tried grounding yourself with your senses. So you just go through slowly, what can I see, hear, touch, smell. So it’s as simple as I can see the fire place, I can hear the television, my feet are touching the floor, I smell burnt toast. It’s a case of distraction. The other one I like is to look for left to right at coloured objects and say to yourself on the left blue curtains on the right white door. Blue curtains, white door, blue curtains white door, blue curtains , brown chair. Going left to right. Keep practicing and looking at different things till you find something that works for you. Colour in books are good too and I have several worry monsters. Find a favourite smell that reminds you of nice things, maybe a lavender bath fragrance and put it on a handle to smell. Also hugging pillows is great for trauma. Loads of cushions and pillows x

[BraveStrongSmart]

Thanks again! I do need to be patient about it but whenever I get really good days I’m like yes I’m getting better it’s two steps forward. But then I get a bad day and feel even worse and it’s like three steps backwards.

I will try those techniques and yeah I have mindfulness colouring books so will start using those too. Thanks again x*x

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