22nd July 2021 at 8:03 pm #129140GentlesoulParticipant
I have been with my partner for (removed by moderator) years. (removed by moderator) years of domestic violence. I have been to (removed by moderator) refuges. Have tried to start afresh each time. I always ended up going back to him. I thinknits Stockholm Syndrome? I reported him to the police who said “He’s a mice chap. Why don’t you drop the charges?” I did.
I’m living with him still. Memories of the abuse are always with me. I put on a smile. Always.
He now has (removed by moderator). I am his carer. I am waiting for him to die really. Then I’ll be free.
I just wanted to tell somebody.
Also, if you’re a young person, in an abusive relationship- please get as far,away from him as you can. Dont be like me.
Thankyou for reading this.
22nd July 2021 at 8:17 pm #129141CatjamParticipant
Hi, my heart goes out to you. I too have been in a relationship for decades and know how hard it is. I only left recently so feel the urge to go back the minute I wake. I cared for his parent who had (removed by moderator) so I understand that pressure too.
Is he at the point of being able to go into a home? So maybe you can start dealing with being apart from him.
You need to start taking care of you. Easier said then done but it’s going to be your time soon. It may be worth talking to someone who may able to help you heal from everything you have gone through.
I know I’m probably not offering much help but I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t on your own xx
22nd July 2021 at 11:37 pm #129158EggshellsParticipant
There isn’t really anything I can say but just wanted to let you know that we are out here and listening to you.
You are in a very difficult situation and I really feel for you. Sending hugs and strength. xx
23rd July 2021 at 7:01 am #129162beachhutParticipant
I am sorry to hear of your situation, is must be so hard for you having to look after someone who has caused so much harm and misery to you in the past, I hope that you are seeking all the help you need from social services and adult care to help with the care of your husband, you should not be doing this alone, please look at every opportunity to get help with his care you need to look after yourself even more now.
We are here to listen when you need us and help when we can.
Take care of you, beachhutXx 🌻
23rd July 2021 at 11:24 am #129172LisaMain Moderator
I’m sorry you are in this situation with your abusive partner. Being his carer no doubt adds to the complexity of emotions you are experiencing. As others have already expressed, you are entitled to prioritise your own happiness and well being in all this – especially as he is an abuser. Perhaps you can engage with your local domestic abuse service and let them know all that is happening for you. For example, a worker may be able to liaise with Adult Social Services, making them aware of the abuse you are facing so they can arrange another carer for him.
It is understandable that you would be feeling low at the moment but please understand that when you are trying to seek out help over the years from services that actually promote and support the abusers; they failed you. This would leave anyone feeling somehow they did something wrong. You sought help and didn’t receive the validation you needed in the past to assure you were worthy of such help.
You may find speaking with Supportline helpful too, for extra emotional support. They offer support by telephone, email and post. They work with callers to develop healthy, positive coping strategies, an inner feeling of strength and increased self-esteem to encourage healing, recovery and moving forward with life. They also keep details of counsellors, agencies and support groups throughout the UK. They cover a wide range of issues, including domestic abuse.
I’m hoping that as soon as you start being heard and supported on some level, you can begin to feel you do have options and are able to see them through.
Keep posting. As others have said, we are all here for you.
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