what do i do

[unsinkableunicorn]

i’m so worried , i have never had control over my life and everything educational , financial and socially has been decided by my dad and i’ve never had a choice . i have had a tiny bit of control over my uni . what i mean by that is that i have managed to firm a uni i like ( i couldn’t do the one i really wanted because my dad said no and he has control because he’s financially supporting me ( i can’t afford uni by myself ) )
now he has this idea about me changing both my confirmed course and my uni so i’m miles away from my support system ( not family but second family ) i don’t want to change because i finally feel like i can break away from his grasp
i’m so scared of him i don’t know what to say or how to stand up for myself so i’m worried he will take advantage of that
i need to learn go stand my ground more but that’s actually impossible to do in my home

[ISOPeace]

Unsinkableunicorn (love the name), I’m so sorry to hear about how your dad treats you. I haven’t experienced abuse from a parent, but I’ve done a lot of reading about abuse and different types of abuser seem to have a lot in common.

I understand that you’re scared to stand up to him. A lot of experts on abuse say that normal rules/advice just don’t apply when an abuser is involved. Standing up to a non-abusive person is probably a good idea. But an abuser will see it as a sign that you’re getting stronger and that they’re losing control over you. Since control is the most important thing for them, they are likely to respond by upping the ante – maybe with escalated intimidation, emotional blackmail, making out you’re the abuser. Whatever they do, they will try to make you feel like it’s your fault and that you are powerless. There are other ways to help you cope while you have to live with him. I would recommend reading Healing from Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas. She covers lots of types of abuse. I’m not sure I agree with absolutely everything she says but I think her advice on “detached contact” is helpful.

Reach out to women’s aid and the national domestic advice helpline. They will be able to direct you to support organisations. Well done for reaching out here. You deserve to be free of his control. Sending lots of love xxxx

[unsinkableunicorn]

thank you so much that means the world! it’s a very scary prospect standing up for an abuser so i feel quite stuck
i’m hoping that it goes smoothly and that i get out as soon as possible
thank you again 🙂

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