What do I do next? Confused.

[Sunrise]

I’ve been in relationship for (detail removed by Moderator), (detail removed by Moderator) of which have been abusive (physical and emotional) I left my partner just over (detail removed by Moderator) ago and came to stay with my sister. Since I left he has acted like nothing has happened, as if I’m just on holiday or something. He will call and txt regularly (not petering though) generally being nice. It’s very confusing. I agreed to meet up with him the other day and again he was acting like nothing had changed. He finally asked when I was coming home and I tried to explain why I had left and that I couldn’t live like it anymore. He got quite defensive and irritated that he had already said ‘sorry’ to me and that ‘it wouldn’t happen again’ a million times (he hadn’t said that even once but this is normal for him he never apologises and rarely admits to his behaviour) and basically said talking it over wouldn’t help and I just needed to come home and everything would be fine as long as I didn’t annoy him (because although sometimes he has admitted his actions are wrong, he still claims his behaviour is completely my fault). He told me he wasn’t going to beg me to come home and it was up to me if I did or not. I then get a message later on saying he loves and misses me and we can sort this out. I’m so confused and unsure on what to do next. I don’t want to throw away our relationship and then regret it because we do have some great times together, but also don’t want to be in the same position in another (detail removed by Moderator) time. I don’t know how to decide what to do next, do I give it another chance, do I end the relationship for good? It may seem an obvious decision to most people but I’m really struggling with it.

[Bubblegum]

Hello .Thats a comman trait in abusive men they act on times as if it’s nothing has happened and it seems sometimes your going crazy .I know it’s easier said than done but you really do need to get out of this realionshop.Its not going to get any better in fact in will only get worse .Where you’ll become more worn down over time .He no doubt will try to convince you everything will be ok .You need to be strong surrounded yourself with positive people your family friends .

[Sunrise]

Thank you Bubblegum for your reply. I have explained the situation to two close family members recently so hope that will give me some support. I keep changing my mind about what I want to do and beggining to doubt my own judgment.

[Bubblegum]

It took me years to finally figure out what my ex partner was really like .Like everyone else early months he swept me off my feet I love adored him I though I found my soulmate .Like with every one else over time he would change .Made so many excuses over years for his behaviour .I thought at time no way he would hurt me I was wrong .We went on to marry have children .That didn’t make any difference in fact he got worse .Over time I would speak to family friends but I ignored there advice .When we divorced he made my life hell dragging divorce through the courts .Even when we divorced he still was controlling me .While he was going different women all time .What Im trying say I really tried to make it work marriage family unit .He promised to address things the lies for worse .What Ive learnt abusive man NEVER changes .It was only then over years I heard stories how he treated other girlfriends .He has a new partner now making out there super happy with them it’s only matter time .Its been really really hard but with help family friends and my children im getting there .Most aspects life he stripped me of my confidence .What made me hang on for so long was the wonderful feeling I felt in the beginning aching to have it back but I never did in the end .Hes still trying to control me even now .Please don’t get sucked back in again .It will only happen again sorry to go on Xx

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