What do I do now

[Starmoon]

I posted the other day about the girl I thought was his gf getting in contact…. I’ve been mindful to say little to her in case it’s a trap.. I’ve simply replied by saying I can’t answer or get involved… she’s continued to send me messages and has said that he’s on drugs and that he’s assaulted her… I don’t know if she’d be lying about this… I would like to tell her that he did the same to me in the past because maybe that’s what she needs but then I daren’t, incase it gets back to him and I get in trouble. I’m worried about sending my child there now too.

[Hereforhelp]

Hi, I think your response was spot on, not getting involved. It may be a trap, it may be genuine, either way it is upto her to leave or report him or get help from WA…. as for sending your child there after being told he is on drugs and assaulted his new GF, I would suggest proceed with caution, maybe ring Social Services to explain your concerns with your child going to a potentially abusive environment and your concerns over your ex’s behaviour.
If you feel it is unsafe for your child then do not let your child go. You cannot help his GF, you can protect your child as there are Laws in place for children. I have had Social involvement (I requested help because my children needed it) and they’ve been helpful for me, everyone has different experiences.
Keep posting ❤️

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Starmoon

difficult for you, I’ve also adopted your position when asked by his gf. Its a shame isn’t it that we have to do this. I just wonder though, is your experience with your ex all recorded with police and therefore she could do a clare’s law, which is something you could suggest, like if you really want to find out if he has a history of this do you know about clare’s law, or something like that?

Since you have been advised of an assault by the gf from your ex, I personally wouldn’t want my children to be around that, and they shouldn’t be exposed to that as that is abusive to them, so you would be within your rights to withhold contact, but report your reasons to the police and they can make enquiries, same with SS.

I do appreciate though, that this will potentially bring him to your door as consequence of your safeguarding, but so long as you have spoken with services and made your enquiries you would be acting in the best interests of your children.

warmest wishes

ts

[Eggshells]

Hi Starmoon

If she is genuine then your decision not to get involved should tell her all she needs to know.

If he had not been abusive towards you then you would have told her that.

Your silence will speak volumes without you uttering a single incriminating word. Every time she contacts you keep reiterating that you can’t get involved. She will eventually get the message.

[Wants To Help]

Hi Starmoon,

I agree with everything everyone else has said. She is probably reaching out to you to confirm her fears that he is abusive so that she can use this information to consider whether she stays with him or not, however, we all know from our own experiences that we don’t leave just the once and stay away, so even if you did speak with her and she left him she may well go back to him, and that’s when she will tell him everything you have told her and you’ll end up with the back lash from that.

She knows what he’s like (we all know what our abusers are like don’t we) and we have to make our own decisions of when or if, and how we leave him. Whatever you tell her probably won’t really make any difference in the long run, all this does is lead to ‘triangulation’.

The other option around Clare’s Law is that you can actually submit an application online to the police about your concerns for her based on what she has told you. They will then contact her under the ‘Right To Know’ element of the process if it is deemed there are safeguarding concerns that she needs to be aware of. That way you can raise the concerns for your own children at the same time when they go to stay with dad. If there is information to be shared with her this has to be discussed at MARAC beforehand, so the concerns about your children would be raised too and Children’s Services are present at MARAC as they are part of the multi agencies. You do have the power to take formal action to protect her and your children indirectly without actually speaking to her.

[Watersprite]

These leopards never change so they … even if they pretend to at first or for as long as it takes them.
Services did a right to know and told my ex new partner he was a risk to her and her children(he moved on (detail removed by Moderator) after we fled!) she is still with him. They are so clever at lovebombing and manipulating. Focus on you now your healing your needs your future. Take care xx

[Author]

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