11th March 2016 at 9:59 pm #11294SnowParticipant
Hi I’m looking for some advice.
I recently packed his stuff up changed the locks and took most of his belongings to his parents house , he still has a lot of stuff here which he asking for but I’m not ready to sort that out yet so he will have to Wait. I must say it’s hard to stay strong but I won’t answer his calls only texts and only if I feel like it. It’s only been a few weeks. We have a son together who is still young, he’s not seen his dad for a few weeks , as he was always staying out for nights on end getting drunk any way. But the thing is he’s not asked for he’s dad , not asked where he is , when is going to be home. Nothing. I do need to talk to the little man. So the advice I’m looking for is when do I tell my child and what do i say. I’m thinking the Best thing to do is be honest with him. But how do I tell him & when. I know he’s going to be upset as he likes things to stay the same , do I wait until he asks me something or do I try and just tell him , he’s only in reception. I just don’t know what to do. It took so much strength to leave him now I’m facing all these different stages from leaving him. Finances need sorting I’m on that , getting work I’m on that. Trying to relax in my own home I’m on that. But my little boy and what to say I just don’t know what to do. How have any of you coped with this part of it I’m at a loss.
12th March 2016 at 4:51 pm #11332LisaMain Moderator
That is a really difficult situation and I don’t think there is necessarily a right or wrong answer to your question. I think you just need to trust your own instincts. If you feel that your son seems to be content and hasn’t asked about his dad then, like you said, maybe you could wait until he does. Or if you feel like you don’t want to wait and just raise it now, you can do it in a light way that maybe doesn’t put too much emphasis on changes taking place if you think that will trouble him. Ultimately it sounds like he is happy and you are both safe and living peacefully (as much as possible), so just do what feels right.
13th March 2016 at 3:46 pm #11418Confused123Participant
If his young I would just say daddy wasn’t behaving and hurting mummy so we can’t live together , but when u r older will explain more , for now they need minimum details and then just prepare yourself if u r going to allow child contact what reply u give whatever the response is
13th March 2016 at 7:20 pm #11433KIP.Participant
Hi there. My advice would be to say nothing. Enjoy the peace n quiet and wait till your son notices his dad’s not there. Kinda speaks volumes that he hasn’t missed him❤️ You sound like a great mum x when he does ask, like confused123 says, keep it simple. Then distract him with something nice.
13th March 2016 at 10:12 pm #11454Confused123Participant
Just wanted to say , should of said earlier don’t bring up till he asks u
14th March 2016 at 7:32 am #11466LittleBritishPhoenixParticipant
Hi love, I’ve just had a chat with my [age removed by moderator] year old recently about his ‘Daddy’. He’s never met his father but all of his friends -especially at nursery – have a mummy and daddy so he’s been asking ‘wheres my daddy?’
I struggled so hard, Mum said to be honest with him…so last time he bought it up I sat down with him and said ‘we dont see your daddy because he isnt very nice’ and then said but you’ll always have mummy, and who else do we have in our family? And got him to name all the people we do have around us.
that was a few weeks ago and he hadn’t asked since, so clearly it was a satisfactory answer.
I’d really recommend being as honest as possible in an age-appropriate way, as and when he does ask you.
I agree, it says alot that he hasn’t asked where he is or when he’s coming back!
Love and light, LBP xx
14th March 2016 at 8:22 am #11468AnonymousInactive
Hi Snow, my lo is the same age. Probably you don’t need to say anything until your boy asks but when I was on a course I was told it is essential that you don’t lie. I told my lo that daddy was mean to mummy, which at one point she interpreted as ‘it was daddy who took mummy’s bike’.
This is a big age for asking questions so don’t worry if they get asked over and over again in the hope of getting a more definitive answer.
14th March 2016 at 8:29 pm #11516nayukiParticipant
I’d wait until he asks about dad himself. Must be very difficult. But I think children understand more than we think! Perhaps he can see that his mum is happier now? Enjoy it and look into other matters with your son – wish you all the best
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