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After a dreadful weekend last weekend, disappearances and threats of suicide we’d managed to get some normality…thank god. But then last night I was going out to a friends and he made comments like who are you going to see, don’t lie to me, why are you getting all dressed up and putting perfume on if you are just seeing your friend. That’s quite normal and I brush it off, the texts that follow whilst I’m out ‘it would break me if you do anything’ ‘it’s because I love you so much’!! Then at (detail removed by Moderator) I got a call from my son asking where Dad was, so I try to call him – I try (detail removed by Moderator) times! No answer so I run home, the car isn’t there so I panic and try calling, another (detail removed by Moderator) times. I had left him at home to look after our teenage son but he’d gone out. He came back at just after (detail removed by Moderator) saying that he had had to go to the chemist to get something for his hay fever, I had almost been physically sick especially after what had happened earlier in the week. He didn’t get it, really didn’t care how angry I was, how could he do that I had to leave my friends and run home I was terrified, ruined what had been a lovely evening oh and accused me of flirting to boot! It’s not unreasonable to be angry I can’t leave the children with him ever again xx
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Dear Itmustbeme, so sorry to hear about this awful big drama has arose out of something so innocent and normal. All I can say is that it seems that there are deep underlying issues within your relationship preventing such nice normal things happening. Possessiveness, jealousy and drama are all part of the abuse make up isn’t it. My ex was mentally and emotionally abuse to me, I tried so hard to introduce normality into our relationship, i.e for us both to have outside interests and freedom but still be a couple. He found this hard to do, making it awkward if I wasn’t with him, resulting in me spending time with him when I didn’t really want to. Its all very unhealthy and just creates restrictions and the ultimate break up.
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My experience suggests to me that he disappeared to make you think the worst, to make you come home early. It is classic manipulative behaviour! But then his claim to have just gone to the chemist puts the spotlight onto you, making it look like you over reacted. It’s how they work. If he was just going to the chemist he would have told your son, but he didn’t. Why? Because he thought through what would happen if he just disappeared. He will have guessed that your son would contact you, and guessed that you would come home, because he had planted the idea of his suicide in your mind already. It’s like a game of cat and mouse to them. I used to experience similar stuff, but now I can see the pattern (which I couldn’t at the time). It is not pleasant at all.
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Hi and hugs
Its exhausting leaving with such drama.
Mine was always seriously ill or depressed most of the time, he had to be the centre of the universe. I didn’t go out with friends for well over a decade because he was always ill, making an argument etc when I was due to go out.
He is using your caring nurturing nature against you, it would be worth you contacting womans aid and if possible to attend freedom meetings.
Good luck and stay safe.
FS xx
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