What does anyone else think?

[NewWings]

My son hasn’t been in contact at all really since he left to live with his Dad. As a child he was always asking if someone who was once good and then went to the bad could be changed. My response was that I thought if someone decided to become immoral they generally stuck with that choice. My ex exploited my condition to move back into the house to look after our children both well out of their teens so it wasn’t necessary. I had to get a court order to move back I had nowhere else to go. Since then my ex has done everything in his power to prove I am a rotten person to my family and that he is super dad, all of it to my mind window dressing how long he can keep this up I don’t know.
Sadly I think my son is well and truly under his fathers spell. He came round because it was his birthday knowing I’d have baked his fav cake and a nice present. I rang this morning and guess what no answer back to the usual it has not been possible blah blah. Whilst he was upstairs he did something his father used to do, something I would only notice. He also took some money. It gave me the chills. Somehow I felt a disconnect I realised finally that if I hang around I will be relegated further to the sidelines as I am already. My sister invited him and his gf to a party at her place weeks after he had moved out. He took the gf to stay in my mothers holiday home again less than three months after he left. My mother told me recently that he is bringing the kids down to see her and taking her out to lunch. I have been painted as this foul mouthed dangerous violent monster and because I have bipolar it’s all believed and therefore it’s ok to write me out of the picture. I am of the mind to flip this on its head and chose this as my get out of jail pass. I know if I stay he will always try to contact me get into my property whether or not I move to another place. He still sees me as a possession and has recently started to email me re our other sons education he never cared before. Am I being cold hearted I really don’t see what else I can do. My ex is in my opioion a psychopath he fits every description and he is dangerous. He never hit me but he did know how to scare the daylights out of me. My counsellor thinks he’ll stop once the divorce is through and I get my own property. But after more than years I can’t see it, he is on a vendetta and he can’t stop. Now he’s invaguiling my son to gaslight for him. My son asked if I’d ever had a black boyfriend not something I would have thought would ever have crossed the mind of a young person that age. Obviously his a Dad had asked him to ask. My family have chosen to believe every bad word against me and given zero support, my sister even followed me on holiday at his behest. It’s like they’re all under some terrible spell.
Thank you Twisted Sister and others who replied to previous posts, I was in a very dark place and was seriously worried I was going into a depression. On a brighter note my Dr who had been rather off hand was helpful this tie and quite supportive not suggesting upping my meds but more posti vehicles actual help. Let’s face it there isn’t a pill for every ill. I hope I got my point over,my kids are grown up and before I get too old I want to enjoy life somewhere else away from the most evil person I have ever met and believe you me where I’m from there have been lots of them!

[Twisted Sister]

Dear NewWings

I am so glad to hear you are out of that deep dark place. It’s always encouraging to know that there is better on the other side! That you are feeling better.

What a crushing blow to not have heard from him since he left and now to realise he is living life through his father it seems. After all these years of being under a better influence.

Why oh why, how do they do it, get away with it, over and over. Devastating and shocking. I’m so gutted for you. Can you write to him to express your shock and disappointment that he would treat you like this. The draw of the power, like you say, under his spell somehow.

I guess he’s an adult now, but if not there is potentially recourse to others to express your concerns over his behaviour? That he’s stealing from you is so upsetting.

I hope you can keep posting. Keep talking and sharing your distress, its helps so much to have somewhere to come with it where its understood.

Warmest wishes ts

[NewWings]

Thanks T sister, he’s of an age where he knows right from wrong but is very angry I think because he blames me for breaking up with his father. His father used to quote parts of Mein Kampf to me like repeat a lie long enough it becomes the truth! So really in a nutshell you have it. His father even got him to perjured himself but the powers that be realised it was a pack of lies. How do they do it years of practise within their families of origin? Even in my own there are two flying monkeys helping him spread around vicious lies. No doubt when I’m no longer around I’ve in another place they’ll find someone to b***h about. Both my sister and my ex used to say pretty awful things about some many people pushing me to agree with their point of view. Whether I did or not was immaterial as they went to these people and told them I was a horrible person and had said these things. My sister has been my exes right hand man and has thoroughly enjoyed what she sees as my demise my divorce or rather lack of it my accident where I nearly lost my foot. In none of these situations did she reach out to me. In fact on the day of my near fatal accident she posted about going to the docs with a blood blister. Weeks later she went off on holiday with my ex and children whilst I was left behind on crutches with no one to help! I know my enemy and I know he’s trying to control me either through my son or others. He can’t use my sister anymore as I no longer speak to her. If I talk to my mother it’s about the weather as she passes everything on to my sister. She never talks about my sister to me. As far as I’m concerned my birth family is now his and I want nothing to do with them. I’m just sad that now my sister has no direct contact, he uses our sons. I know in my heart I have done my best these people don’t allow you to parent they compete all the time. They think that everyone who doesn’t think like them is a fool. My mother called me that to my face recently. He has told my sister that I have stashed away thousands of pounds and that I spent a fortune on clothes and jewellery. This was to cover the fact that he paid for nothing and they wondered how I had run up a massive debt! My family have been so involved in my marriage and life for the past (detail removed by moderator) it makes me sick. It also means that they don’t have to look too closely at their own affairs as they can sit in smug judgement of me. Going grey rock with my sister is the best thing I have done in the past year. I miss my niece and my brother in law who are lovely. My sister husband and mother are to me covert they portray one face but because I have sees and suffered at their hands they are terrified that the truth will come out. What they don’t know is that it already has. Thanks again for your support you are such a strong woman and I admire you. I think we are more than survivors we are warriors of the truth we may bend the knee but in our hearts we carry the truth of what real love is. Hope that’s not too preachy. Big hugs.

[KIP.]

Your story could be my story right down to the perjury. I’ve decided that my son can be in my life, under my terms, which are non abusive and not being a flying monkey for his father. Sadly under my terms he hasn’t been in touch. That’s ok. I’ve told him I love him and he knows where I am if he needs me. One day he will discover exactly what his father is. When that day comes I will help him pick up the pieces. Until then, as an adult, he has to make his own decisions. It’s sad but no reflection on you or me. Young people do their own thing anyway. Just concentrate on your own wellbeing. One thing that concerns me is my PTSD has very similar symptoms in many ways to bipolar. I really do believe there can be a crossover.

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