What does everyone want from me??

[Alone]

Feeling very stressed right now. I can’t seem to do anything right!

When I’m honest about what’s going on with me, although I accept no help and tackle my issues on my own, people walk away from me. I gave up trying to make connections with people, but it’s making me feel so lonely and awful.

When I’m positive and doing my best to “fake it til I make it” people walk away from me because I can’t/won’t do what they want from me!

I’m currently off work (against my wishes) because my stress levels rose so high that I was waking up several times within the space of a few hours with chest pain. I was getting white flashes in my vision, that looked like lightning was appearing in front of me. I feel awful and depressed, but I put on a brave face and smile and joke with people, because it makes me feel better, but I don’t feel well enough to do something such as attend a rave (made up example). So I’m cut off, blocked, etc because when I then say I’m not actually well, I’m considered a fraud. I don’t want to walk around wearing my problems on my sleeve!

But when I admit what is going on, I end up ostracised, and now being kept off work. One of my two jobs is my positive distraction, and being alone at home stuck in my own head is absolutely the last thing I need when I’m already questioning myself, criticising myself the way my mum used to, and seriously considering whether or not I’ll get through everything I have going on. I need it.

I’m so stressed right now, so exhausted and just had another two people cut me off, one because I wasn’t believed when I said I wasn’t well enough to do something, after actually really putting a lot of effort into holding a positive conversation beforehand, and the other because I admitted a while back what I have going on.

I’m sorry for this poorly written post, I’m just so so exhausted and really stressed and don’t quite know what to do with myself!

xx

[Confused123]

HI HUn

Just wanted to send a hug to u , u sound like u are under a lot of stress and burnt out, i too try to keep myself busy to deal with everything, sometimes i think we need to justsleep it off and actually just have a few days doing nothing but resting , let your body recovery , then when u are upto it start light exercise to build your energy up

[Author]

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