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    • #162925

      hi all

      So his anger has been getting alot worse again, he has beem pushing me around and grabbing me. He has said in many texts to me he will kill me. I said I will start to take these threats seriously and will call the police of need be. He says he doesn’t care if i call the police. What happens if i go down that route. To be honest I am utterly terrified of my partner. I have never felt fear like it when he loses his temper. Will the police arrest him? Can he talk his way out and will he be allowed back into our home? He is also trying to grow a wedge between me and out son. He even aaid he will take him away from me. My son is lovely and my whole world but he thinks the sun shines out of his dads behide.

      Things have been so bad that I know I am depressed but this seems to anger him even more. I can barely even look at him and it is esp hard when he is in nice guy mode right now. I just can’t shake this feeling that there is a dark cloud over me all the time. Even people in my work have noticed.

      I wish I could just pack my bags and my son and go to my parents. I can’t though. They live far away and I work also my son is settled at his school. Pkus he is always here as he doesn’t work.

    • #162926

      I personally don’t have experience with calling the police (yet). However, there are many posts on this forum that talks about when police are engaged. Its like its a dirty little secret where so much violence happens between partners vs what happens in the general public, insofar as how police deals with these situations. And its likely a postcode lottery there as well.

      Based on what I’ve read on other posts (because this was an option I was considering for myself), they should arrest him. Save the evidence of those texts between you and your partner where your partner has threatened to kill you. Go back over the past posts you’ve made here and log them with police. I think your partner thinks that he has scared you so much and he has shamed you so much that you won’t pull that lever.

      But yes, if you’re not already… get in touch with your local domestic abuse support service and get the hell out of there. Even if it means involving police. He’s tortured you so much and yet you’ve put up with it.

    • #162928

      It varies. I phoned the police during an incident, he immediately ran out of the house, they didn’t arrive until late evening but were lovely. They talked to me about domestic abuse, and said they’d probably have to make a referral to social services as there were kids in the house. They did, but social services were very supportive. Both the police & SS asked me if I wanted to take formal action, I chose not to but this process helped me not to fear calling the police again, and they put a marker on the address so they’d attend faster next time.

    • #162929

      Unfortunately it comes down to the officer who takes your case so experiences of police are very very mixed.

      I’m going to be blunt here. I had loads of reasons not to leave. My kids, my home, my job, my friends all felt like ties.

      In the end I was referred for MARAC. I didn’t want police involvement so I left. I left everything behind except my kids.

      When you are ready to go you’ll go and nothing will impede that decision.

    • #162941

      thank you all for your replies.

      I have two time he kicks off i will have to call police or just hope ue doesn’t really hurt me and go to my parents. which would be a plane journey away but i know i will be safe.

      he has said and done so much in the last 8 weeks. But the lowest was (detail removed by moderator) when he said infront of our son he will take him back to (detail removed by moderator) and i will be on my own (he has never made threats to take my son away) My son has seen and heard so much. why the hell am i still with him!?

      My son said he wouldn’t be able to live without him which is horrible to hear because this man has caused me so much pain. I think my son is scared of him as he has seem his outburts and is terrified to ‘dissapoint’ him. He is such a lovely, kind and sweet boy. Nothing like his father.

      my parner is so verbally abusive towards me and calls me all kinds of names, really shouts and is so aggressive.

      he has been phyically abusive aswell. Hr had me by the back on my neck a few week ago in the (detail removed by moderator) ready to smash it into (detail removed by moderator). that was after he dragged me back into (detail removed by moderator) by my wrists to belittle me some more and stood by the door so i couldn’t get out. He has been abusive to me once i am in bed shouting at me and grabbing me by the hair and yet i still (detail removed by moderator) sex 5 mins after (i really didn’t want to and it made me feel sick and angry) all because i knew if i didn’t i would have got his hands around my neck. He always threatens to ‘(detail removed by moderator)’

      What am i doing here?!?! All because i don’t want to leave my job and take my son out of school??? he won’t leave you see. he tells me all the time to (detail removed by moderator).

      and now he is mr nice guy and couldn’t be more normal.

      • #163131

        Look up FOG, fear, obligation and guilt. You’re right, you have many valid reasons there to leave but it’s like we need someone to give us permission. Like you I kept saying next argument, next incident but you have enough already, just got to trust your gut and make a change xx

    • #162947

      There will be other jobs and other schools hon. You only get one life.

    • #163120

      I’ve called police and got mixed response with no help. In the end I had to move to be safe because it got worse.

      Can you call your parents? Explain what is happening at the situation. Your child can have a new school. Make new friends and you may too.

      Safety is number one priority.

      Domestic violence counsellor can help – if it’s in person or over the phone. Try a few if first on does not work out.

      Hope that helps you.

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