What happens in a refuge

[Godisincontrol]

I am considering going into a refuge with my children to get away from my abusive partner. I fear for our lives. He says he would never hurt us but when we argue he says things like (detail removed by moderator) If I go into a refuge does that mean I can no longer to talk to family? I have to leave my job? Children leave their schools?

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Godisincontrol

Sorry for this horrible experience you are all suffering, and the difficult decisions you face as a result.

Is there anyway that, based on his abuses, you could have him ejected from the home, rather than you all having to leave your home/schools/social connections? You could make some initial enquiries to find out what your rights are and what help you could have to make him the homeless one rather than having to uproot you all and start again somewhere else?

Yes, ideally, children would move area and school as a result. School is one of the easiest ways for your new location to be discovered, as they can easily be followed home from a new school.

You can all still speak and meet with family and friends, and could meet outside somewhere neutral from him. If you feel he might track you by yours/children’s phones, then you may need to change your numbers, and use a different form of communication with him over child contact, or a third party.

All the best, good luck and strength for your decisions and finding support to help you with this. Have you spoken with your GP about your concerns for yourself and your children?

warmest wishes

ts

[Brokensoul123]

Hi Godisincontrol,

I am truly sorry to hear of all you are going through.

I personally went into Womans aid refuge a few days after Christmas 2012 with my 4 year old.

I would not be alive today, if I didn’t. The refuge was very supportive, the staff the kids workers and the strength and support from the other mothers and kids in there. We were a big family and all supported one another. I found being around others who had experienced what I made me not feel so alone.

The refuge helped with everything, they helped us relocate to a safe area, even arranged removals to go collect our things.

In time we did speak with family, and they understood, it was best for us to move and start a fresh.

I’m not going to lie, it’s not easy, but the support, including the freedom programme, helps for sure, realise that there is another way to live, free from abuse and finally be free. I wish you and your children the best and feel free to ask anything else you want to about the process.

Take care

[Decagon]

Hi Godisincontrol,

So sorry you feel the need, have gotten to this point, where you feel so unsafe. Listen to your inner voice, it is never wrong.

It was the best decision I made for both my children, and my self. It was the hardest decision I had to make! I left (removed by moderator) times, before the making the (removed by moderator) on our final leaving, there were nearly (removed by moderator) years, over which this happened,it got harder each time, in hind sight, I should never have returned for the (removed by moderator) attempt! But hindsight, is 20/20.

It was far, far from easy the last time – kids approaching teens – really not great timing, but (removed by moderator) years down the line, the eldest 2 have thanked me and apologised for their behaviour!

This was the singular most rewarding moment, and all the anguish, pain and disagreements became worth it, the heartbreaks come when they tell me what happened, before we left, while I was at work………

There are many experiences, help available, and support too. The freedom project, helped me immensely in the early years, giving hope, acknowledgement, understanding, care, laughter and knowledge, with a cup of tea and toast!

Only you can make the choice, I understand now why, but at the time, I didn’t. It was simply the first true, self made choice, only mine, not pushed by him, and only encouraged by others

[StrongLife]

I would recommend it for extreme safety reasons. It’s there as a temporary fix to a situation designed to relocate you somewhere else you may not know and educate you on new safety measures/counseling. It is also highly dependent upon the refuge itself and how it is run / managed.

I had to flee and went to single refuge rather than with kids. My perspective is from this experience rather than from a kids refuge.

I know some do do tours for perspective women. Maybe yours has this? Also I imagine they can give you pictures etc.

[Anonymous]

I went into a refuge on my own.And if I’m honest it was the best thing I ever did.it didn’t feel that way at the time, I was at the lowest I’d ever been in .my life.but with support from the staff there I picked myself back up .they gave me the tools to start again and find my self worth.
It is worth it, you are worth it .

[Door mouse]

I thank God every day for where I am right now. far from home but not far enough

[Author]

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