Viewing 9 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #12183
      betterdays
      Participant

      Partners or ex partners said when u have confronted them over the abuse? Or what did they say when u seperated? X

    • #12187
      East17
      Participant

      Total denial on his part… Says it’s all in my head, if there are any problems, they’re all down to me.

      When I confront him about his behaviour, he turns it around and says he’s just ‘defending himself’ against me… I’ve got a screw loose apparently

      He tells me I’m a horrible person who has ruined his life.. So I say if I’m such an awful person why would he want to stay with me… ‘because I love you’…
      Totally brain-screwing mind games.

      Don’t know which way’s up anymore. Can’t trust anyone, least of all myself.

    • #12189
      Ayanna
      Participant

      He became violent, hit me and shouted at me that I deserved everything he did to me because I am useless.
      I gave up trying to talk about it. One day the police saved my life. That was our separation. The rest happened in the different courts, where he sat behind glass walls or I had a screen. Only in the useless family court I was forced to sit in the same room with him. The family court is a b****y stupid court. I had to fight for video links in that r******d place.

    • #12191
      KIP.
      Participant

      My ex raped me before we married. When I asked him why a few years later he said ‘well you married me didn’t you”. You will not get a reasonable answer, they will turn it round on you. Sick people. Don’t even try to confront him.

    • #12194
      mixed-up mum
      Participant

      Yes if ever we had ‘the big talk’ and were trying yet again to sort things out – I would say I don’t like when you do……this, this or this to me……he would then turn it right round on to me, and say but if you did A,B,C then I wouldn’t do X,Y,Z etc

      So what ever I said he always had an excuse and a reason why he did it and it was usually my fault, eg if I’D make more of an effort – if I’d kiss, and him cuddle him etc then it would all be OK – but I just couldn’t carry on forcing myself to do those things – I hated touching him and being near him – and in the end it had become so bad that nothing him or me did was EVER going to ‘fix things’ and and make it better…..

      It was NEVER ever HIS fault – he never accepted any blame and still to this day won’t talk about what he did – he thinks if he doesn’t talk about it then it never happened – he can bury his head in the sand.

      In the first 6mth after I left him I wanted to talk about what he’d done – it was part of the healing process for me, getting HIM to accept blame for what he had done – and just admit HE was in the wrong….but he never would – all he would say is “that in the past, I don’t want to talk about the past, its the future that’s important now” – and that was hid final word on the subject…..

      • #12204
        mixed-up mum
        Participant

        Morning Better Days – I’m just sitting here thinking – he would have been so much more of a man in my eyes if he had just done the decent thing and owned up and said – I’m sorry it was my fault, I’m to blame, I should never have done that – just to get him to own up and apologise would be a huge step in me moving on – but he’s never going to do that – hell will freeze over before he admits he did wrong!!!!! 😉

    • #12200
      Serenity
      Participant

      Oh, all my fault, apparently. So he has decided to tell himself, so he can do as he wishes.

      If I ever tried to have a ‘talk’ and reason within the relationship , this angered and bored him and you could see him tapping his fingers, counting the minutes until I shut my mouth. One of the traits if his personality was that he couldn’t abide being questioned: you could see his mind ticking as you spoke about how he was going to punish you for opening your mouth.

      He made a dramatic exit to punish me for simply having an opinion and not allowing him to continue treating he like muck, and here again he didn’t allow me an opinion or a chance to say anything, as he did it without warning and cruelly told me he was going, because he wanted to ‘reshuffle’ his life, in front of my child whilst I was lying in the bath.

      Actually, I think he’d merely met someone else and was having an affair.

      From things he’s said since, you can see he’s in complete denial that he’s wrong about anything, even whilst he’s done appalling things. Apparently I am x, y and z. I ‘had years to live him and didn’t’ was his apparent reason, and – get this- the fact I liked cats and he liked dogs, I was quiet and he noisy, I was tidy and he was messy (!). This apparently was what made his long term abuse acceptable?!

      When I filed for divorce, then suddenly he began being smarmy, saying he had told everyone how I was a ‘good person’ but we were too different, with different core values.

      Note that he sees himself as merely having ‘different’ not corrupt core values, even though he is abusive on all levels. Complete denial- everyone else is wrong not to pay him homage like he is royalty, because he excuses all his horrific behaviour and at the end if the day still loves himself and thinks he is the cleverest, canniest, funniest and most witty person out. He is empty inside; he has no conscience. His capacity for emotion was killed by something and he’s nothing but a walking corpse.

      To him, his acts of cruelty to the vulnerable are funny and an example of his own tremendous power and strength and superior intelligence, as I am sure he celebrates how he dupes people, as he thinks everyone else is of less intelligence than he and is gullible. My ex is a fully-fledged psychopath, I am sure. He’s trained his conscience to feel nothing ( except maybe power and delight ) as he commits acts of atrocity.

      He’s even cast off our eldest child, simply because he asked his dad for something perfectly reasonable.

    • #12208
      Suntree
      Participant

      I was making it all up, lying, off my head, mentally ill and was/ is the abusive one. He had no idea what was wrong with me and made sure that everyone knew it wasn’t him.
      I was playing games.
      He started a campaign against me as an unfit mother and accused me of abusing my children.
      He made sure the isolation and bullying and abuse was carried on with a whole bunch of gullible followers who should have known better.

    • #12210
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      He would be in total shock that anyone would think what he did/does is abusive.

      When I said he raped me he told me it wasn’t rape as we were married and you can’t rape your wife.

      FS xx

    • #12215
      Serenity
      Participant

      FS : mine said exactly that- you can’t rape your wife.

    • #12223
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Serenity

      OMG these abusers use the same words, its a mind set.

      FS xx

Viewing 9 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

EXIT SITE

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account