What have done?

[iwillbeok]

(detail removed by moderator)Things have been really quiet – no emails, no messages, nothing. I now feel like I’m waiting for a bomb to go off!

I just don’t know this person anymore, have been away long enough that I almost forget what it felt like – to dread coming home, the sneers and haughty looks, the way he looked down at me, with just enough compliments to try and “boost me ” just before tearing me down again.

I’ve told the children, they took it well. They had already figured that we weren’t going to get back together. Some sadness, as we hadn’t really mentioned the split for a while and had just been getting on with things. They agreed that it was probably for the best as there was now no more fighting. They seem to have justified it in their minds as two adults who no longer get along (what I wanted to scream was – no it wasn’t fighting, he was treating me very badly; that wasn’t 2 people fighting, that was one person exerting their control & not liking it when the other stood up for themself!!) but I couldn’t say anything. I just let them go with that idea.

I feel like I’ve failed them. Lessons missed all because I’m too scared to badmouth him. And now I’ve gone and sent this very descriptive, confrontational statement which is going to upset the whole status quo. But I could not go on in this limbo, and I couldn’t let him get away with me “going quietly” ie waiting for separation to time out…

[KIP.]

It’s your choice. Your decision. You took back control. Divorce on your terms. (detail removed by moderator). Shocking abuse. I never saw that coming. That he would do that to his child. Flipped the tables round and made me out to be the bad one. If you get a quiet moment I would be honest and tell kids that their dad hurt you too much and you needed to end things for your own safety.

[iwillbeok]

Thanks KIP,
I took your advice – i remember (detail removed by moderator) his 1st step was to text my son that he wasn’t allowed to see them anymore instead of reading it properly! I was able to eeassure my son that his dad just wasn’t allowed to contact me. It is a real fear of mine that he will try and turn my son against me. My daughter already, in her own way, sees him for what he is.

Im just really fearful of this cliff-top i am standing on. I am back in that rollercoaster that I was on back when i had him arrested. Only ths time i dont have the adrenalin behind me, pushing me. I have done so much healing and ive come so far and life has been so peaceful compared to then. I dont want to rip this newly formed scab off and risk the new skin underneath.

Im just so scared of what hes is going to do – nit for my physical safety but financially and influencing the children. My son alrwady sees him as somewhat of a victim & wants to protect him…

Anyway, in as gentle a way possible i reminded my son of what i had said previously about how his dad hurt me. He aaked physically or emotiinally (why is that even at his age one seems worse than the other?) – I said both (after all sexual assault is physical). I said i know this is tough and i know you love your dad, his instant reply, bless him, was I love you too.

Thanks if you’ve read my ramblings… helps just to put in words.

Night night ladies, wishing you all peace xx

[KIP.]

Hey there. When my ex was arrested guess who he rang to tell. Our son! They just don’t care. I was too traumatised to divorce him so he served papers on me (detail removed by moderator). At the time I was really upset. (detail removed by moderator) By then I didn’t care. I just wanted rid of him. Time makes such a difference to our attitudes.
Just keep up your boundaries. My ex tried to negotiate through our son. I was having none of it. It was all lies anyway. Make sure you start as you mean to go on. I just told my son it was not fair of his dad to involve him in adult business. You will get through this. Just pace yourself. The legal road is long and very very slow! Expect lies and nonsense in return. Perhaps even a counter allegation that you were the abusive one. Whatever my ex did (detail removed by moderator), he blamed me for the same behaviour. If you look deep into his reply you can almost get a confessions. It’s mirroring x

[Confused123]

hey hun

just post as much as u need to and we will try support u, if his quiet that itself is a game, my ex used to bomnbard me with calls, leave me alone for a few days, start again then they change the time gap where they go silent for few weeks then even few months, they always lurk in the background and then are back to p**s u off. i think we caan just be a good rolemodel for our kids, i dont bad mouth ex I just state i dont approve of his behaviour and abuse is wrong. yes they will try to turn the kids against us, its all part of the game, just be calm and tell your kids that the parents will sort the issues out between themselves and they dont need to get invovled, sadly they do get kids invovled, i just reassured the kids i loved them and that this was now our new house- the rental property.. kids actually love the peace in house and adapt quicker. yes the parents seperating hurts them but they do heal and know is for best

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