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I feel horrendous. I left my husband on(detail removed by moderator). Felt happy and relieved. When he found out (detail removed by moderator) my phone went mental. I should have blocked him but stupidly I didnt. He rang off an unknown number so I ended up speaking to him. I told him why I had left (sexual abuse) and that I can’t cope any more. He suggested separate bedrooms and a sexless marriage. He wants to keep us together so our child doesn’t grow up in an ‘broken home’ like he did. I get that. Anyway the heart strings were pulled and I went back (detail removed by moderator). I feel like a total failure. I have realised this new set up will not work at all. Hours after being home he said two sexual things too me already and how he is not looking forward to sleeping in the spare room. He also thinks I’m ill with mental health (I’m not, well I don’t think I am, I’m stressed though) and is blaming that for my behaviour.
I’ve realised I really need help of a support worker or similar. Next time I leave, I need a new SIM card and to totally leave, leave the area and prob go to a refuge. I don’t love him. I want to clear all our debts than make a clean break. I realised that I’m a walkover, heartstrings get pulled and I need no connection to him to pull me back.Unfortunately now he’s taken time off work to ‘look after me’ so I have the next 2 weeks with him 24/7. No idea how I’m going to get through them.
I feel such a fool. So stupid.
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It’s not stupidity it’s abuse and it’s better to come from a ‘broken home’ than an abusive one. Time to start again. Now you know you absolutely did the right thing by leaving you need to get your ducks in a row and go again. He’s going to ignore everything he said to get you back and revert to his abusive self very quickly. The mind games and gaslighting begin already. If there’s anything wrong with your mental health then he is the cause. Women return on average seven times so you’re not alone. The good thing is you recognise his mind games and know that zero contact is how to get through this. He’s taking time off to make sure you don’t go again. To break you down mentally until you don’t know left from right. Gather your support network and get to safety x if he sexually abuses you then ring the police. It’s a criminal offence.
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It’s okay to go back. It can take up to 7 times before we leave for good. It’s a positive thing that you’re looking at getting a sim card fir the next time. I couldn’t have done it without the help of my local WA. Oh they’ll pull at your heart strings every time. Tbe sex thing is a big thing fir my oh too. Promised to sleep in the spare room too, but always inappropriate sex innuendos, groping, right in my face, forcing kisses. Then when I’d complain go in a huff and say things like but you’re my wife, what I can’t touch my wife now. It’s all about him, what you want will never be considered. Be careful because he’ll be on high alert for signs that you’re going to run again.. I always wanted to be an actress, something I never told him because I knew he’d have laughed, but I’ll tell you this, I put on the performance of my life up to and after leaving.
It’s ok, keep calm, keep pushing back, tell him what he wants to hear if it keeps the peace. Sometimes we have to do and say things just to be safe.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞💞 -
Thankyou both for your replies. Makes me feel a little better that it takes on average 7 times to leave. He is defo keeping tabs on me. I went to take a phone call and he followed me around. I went for a bath, he came in twice in half an hour to ‘check I’m ol’.
(detail removed by moderator) I’ve also ruined his life and do I know how hurt he was that I left? It really hurt him apparently.
I definitely need serious help to get away the next time I am ready to leave.
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