What have I done wrong now?

[Starmoon]

I’ve emailed him in desperation I can not make sense of any of this. I’m miscarrying his baby… I’m heart broken, he’s left me because I’m a head case and un lovable, I’m emailed telling him I’m sorry I don’t know who to turn to or what to do. He called off a withheld number I answered and cut it off in panic then he emailed me saying I’m a head case and must have bipolar :(. I know it’s me I know I’m messed up but I don’t know how to be normal

[Serenity]

Hi Starmoon,

I have just replied to your other post, and included how he would call me bipolar.

Don’t believe him. He is a liar. He is projecting. Don’t give him the satisfaction of letting him think you believe him. Don’t let him brainwash you.

These abusers love that we believe their judgements of us, like gospel. My ex was bandying about all kinds of nasty judgements and I- like you- was getting so distressed and questioning myself.

Then one day I realised he was just talking rubbish, from his own version of reality. I told him that I didn’t care what he thought of me anymore.

He went dead silent. He couldn’t believe I had come that far to not care anymore- that my own truth was shouting louder at me than his lies.

Yes, you probably are a mess right now. Yes, you shouted at your mum. No, you’re not feeling calm. But that is because you are stuck in a relationship with a mentally and emotionally cruel man and he is unravelling you. He is the cause, you are not the instigator- you are reacting.

He so fits a pattern- emotionally unavailable to his partner, cruel and snide, over-attachment to his mother….

Please believe that he fits a pattern.

[Ayanna]

You did nothing wrong. You are in a very heartbreaking situation right now. Are you going to hospital? I think you should go there and tell them what you go through. There you will not be left alone and the staff there might be much better for you and distracting you from contacting this abuser. x*x

[godschild]

Starmoon what he is saying is classic abuse, mine tells me all the time and has done for decades that I am mental, he says is going to have me sectioned, I have a personalty disorder, I need to go and be taught how to deal with my emotions etc etc. I have seen several mental health people over the past 18 months and I am none of these , he then says that ive pulled the wool over their eyes or they have missed something.
These Man have no compassion for Women at all, their behavior is vile
Look at what he is doing when you are going through a miscarriage, its evil to treat you this way, he is an abuser. No decent Man would leave you alone whilst you go through this, its wicked, how can he call you names, its beastly what his putting you through.
Are you coping ok with the miscarriage, have you seen a Dr or as Ayanna said gone to hosptial, does you mom know is she able to support you.
Feel so much for you and concerned for what yo are going through, but please beleive us on here he is an abuser.
You are only feeling messed up because of what he has and is doing to you, they do this they mess us up and then says its us, sending you a big hug xx

[Starmoon]

Thank you ladies you’re my only salvation. Today has been horrific, I’m so pathetic… I’ve emailed him jumping from begging him to come back to telling him i hate him for what he’s done. I suppose it’s no wonder he says I’m bi polar… My dad collected my daughter from school, gave her tea etc.. My babies been screaming all day, I didn’t sleep last night and I’m so tired. I’ve had social services call me because he contacted the police in regards to his computer charger at the start of the week. The police instantly flag up the domestic abuse allegations from the past and then I’ve had them on my case.
He had uploaded games on to an tablet which he told my daughter was the whole families but of course he’s taken it with him now he’s gone… I know it seems silly but this upset her and I feel so guilty. We have our own iPad so I was trying to upload those games onto it for her.. But he’s changed the password on that too. I called him to ask for the iPad and the instant he answered I didn’t know how to handle to roller coaster of emotions so I was short and sharp with him- demanded he gave me the pasword. He told me they with the sh*t I’d put him threw this week he didn’t have to put up with me talking to him like that and hung up… I called again and I didn’t know how to handle it, I was angry, confused and upset… He tried giving me what he thought was the pasword but it didn’t work and then he started being all reasonable saying we could be amicable if I spoke to him on a level…. I can’t be amicable. I’m literally losing his baby as I type this… As I was speaking to him. How can I be amicable! Then he tells me I’m doing a ‘(insert my name) classic of making assumptions and giving him sh**. Then I brake again when he hangs up the phone on me and I’m thinking he’s rite- I can’t hold it together, I’m a head case- it’s no wonder he left me!
I haven’t been to hospital, unless the presses is extreme (my last miscarriage was) then it is merely a case of letting nature take its course… I’m 100% sure of what is happening but I’m booked in with epas tomrrow for a scan anyway… I can only hope the proses is strait forward this time. Xx

[Starmoon]

I begged him to tell me what I did that was so wrong in order for him to leave me and he keeps saying I’ve been vile to him… I’ve called him selfish and evil for leaving me and he can’t forgive me for that. He’s saying this is exactly the reason why he has left because I never listen and I never understand and then I make assumptions…. I go round and round in circles but it keeps coming back to me being to blame… I can make as many excuses as I like but he wouldn’t have left me if I didn’t push him to it

[KIP.]

Star moon, you could be the most perfect partner in the world but your abuser will just move the goal posts. They thrive on our pain and despair. Try going no contact if you can. Even if it’s for 24 hours. Take back a small piece of control. Do not expect any closure. He wants you to carry all the guilt so he doesn’t have to. I’m sorry for your miscarriage but it goes to show what a lowlife he is that he would not even support you through this. Big hugs to you❤️

[godschild]

You are not patheic at all starmoon, any Woman would be in the state you are in, your hormones will be al over the place, you are miscarrying your Baby and He is just leaving you to it.You want him and need him despite all he has put you through, that is normal. You are bound to express anger at him , his behavoir is evil for leaving you when you are suffering so much.
Its all just excuses to put you in the wrong, if the man had an ounce of compassion he would be right by your side.
You have had to cope with baby all day whilst suffering and other things that have crossed your path, there is no way you should be coping alone with all of this and he was a decent man he would not be adding to your torture by behaving in the way he is.
Mine will blame me for things he does, ie I only did that because of what you said to em , what I may have said is after him being so cruel to me , but it ends up being my fault.
They will not take responsibility for anything they do at all, he has no resonsibilty in leaving you at this time even if things dont work out, he should be there giving you support through this misacarriage it is his baby andhe helped to create it as well or he should be looking after the others , whilst you rest and get though this.
Any Woman would be short ande sharp with him what he is putting you through alone now, they goad you and do anything they can to upset you and then blame you. He is being vile to you , no man should ever leave you alone in the physical and emotional state you are in, he should be there at least seeing you through this, but its beyond abusers to have any compassion or sympathy expect for themselves, I feel so angry at what he is doing to you at this awful time for you and send you a big hug, I want to emphasise again that it is not you andyou are not pathetic in anyway begging him , you feel desperate and they love to make you beg just so that they can refuse you and hurt you more xxxx

[Starmoon]

Again thank you so so much for all your support. You are all so lovely to reply to me and help me threw this. I flit from being sure it’s abuse and determined to move on to feeling so confused. You all give me strength and thank you again for thinking of me x*x

[Author]

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