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    • #6685

      is it safe to say he tried to hurt me with the car, raming it into my legs…? I jumped backwards to avoid the collision.
      I texted my DV support worker. I have not heard from her since then, she is probably on holiday till the new year.
      I have stopped work for now, not decided if I will carry on as normal or ask to go to a refuge. Do I even qualify for one? I was given my ”options” at the beginning of the year but would it still apply? Do you need to be in immediate danger to qualify? How long can you stay?

      I keep receiving texts from him. I am blamed for everything, emotional blackmail. I find it really hard at times so I rely on doing something (can’t say for safety) in order to avoid contact. It passes time and then I come back. I have taken pictures of the things he does (can’t say). It is so ridiculous. He used the children to make me look like the culprit in all this, of course some of them reacted badly to my ”absences”. I had to do something to protect myself from all this emotional abuse, time is like on standstill and I live day by day trying to find things to occupy myself.

      I have two friends who have offered for me to stay at their place, one in particular, but I think I would go bonkers living with her (dirty house, stuck in a home that smells, I would have to clean it and I did tell her, she didn’t take any offence as she needs help, she is handicapped). But I don’t know whether to ask for professional help instead and go to a refuge, especially after the car episode. I am mainly frightened of giving in and staying, because it is easier. I need every bit of help I can get to remind me it is abuse…I am so used to him. Over 3 decades of this yoyoing…His texts are what gets me going mad at the moment.

      Both my friends are worried for me, I text them messages relaying his own to them, they think he is a n****r, he talks about himself, wants pity, says how sorry he is…I don’t believe a word of what he says.

      They say it gets worse before it gets easier…I keep wondering if I will have the mental strength to leave and carry on with this divorce…everytime I relapse, I read Lundy Bancroft’s book and OMG it jumps at you all those techniques used by abusers. Sometimes I feel like telling him to go and read the book, but I think that would be a big mistake. It would make him even more angry.

      I didnt feel like ringing the police the moment he did this thing with the car, no one else was there and I didn’t get hurt, he was so mad…what is the point, the police would come and then what?

      I have to make this leap of faith as my DV lady says, and make a life for myself…I should have done that years ago…I must leave.

    • #6707
      Daisy
      Participant

      Bridget, this is getting seriously dangerous,
      Glad you are unharmed but there was no way he could predict you moving backwards or sideways or freezing and being hit, so endangering you on purpose in this way needs reporting,
      I think your options would still be the same and I believe you can stay as long as needed( up to a year)
      They tend to be quite expensive so you will need to look into this side of it especially if you return to work or have savings.
      Glad you have such lovely support from friends reaffirming the abuse as needed.
      Could you not get an injunction against him coming to your home following this latest dangerous event?
      X x x

    • #7225
      SaharaD
      Participant

      Hi Bridget

      I’ve been thinking about you even though my life is upside down at the moment. I know I’ve said it before and I will say it again….he is dangerous……I think he would rather kill you than let you leave….do you see how it’s escalating….he has physically assaulted you and threatened you….oh please please do get out.

      Every time I see a death in the paper involving partners I wonder if it is any of us.

      This week it was Sian Blake, former Eastenders actress and her two children. Kill by a jealous manipulative devious boyfriend who had a history of violence, drugs and abandoned offspring.

      I don’t think you can protect your children 18 and older any more. It’s you he wants to hurt most and most severely. Please try to get out. Please tell someone about the car incident. I suppose it’s easier for me I fled after the first severe incident and I haven’t seen him face to face in over 2 years. There were no children and no property.

      I know you are struggling and your children get cross with you but imagine how they would struggle if you weren’t there because he managed to end your life. driving a car toward someone is not normal behaviour.

      Stay safe

      Sahara

    • #7459
      Confused123
      Participant

      HI HUN

      Hope u ok, this guy is clearly dangerous, i think this is your light bulb moment hun, u need to just leave now and go into refugee, things cant get worser if his trying to run u over, report him now hun to police doesnt matter if it happened few days ago and u didnt report straight away, press charges against him he has to see punishment for his actions, that was the final point for me whenn my ex said he was goingn to kill me, get out hun, dont become another figure of someone that was killed, i have been following your posts for six months, u really have tried everything hun to be reasonable, they just dont learn and will push and push us, your other children are over 18 now , but im sure you said you had one that was under 18, if he can come with you great, just speak to your support worker, if she not available call womens aid and just tell them u need to get out asap, explain scenario with your youngest if he can come with you, the heardest bit is taking that first step , you can do it hun , i was in similar scenario a year ago , i just couldnt take that step to leave, when you leave you leave it when least expected , my wake up call was been told by support worker how can it get worser if its got to point he wants u dead, when i left i just left , i didnt deal with nothing till 15 month later my main priority was not going back to him and just been safe, just face the hurdles that come across, your safety is most important

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