This topic contains 5 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  lover of no contact 5 months, 2 weeks ago.

  • Author
  • #85507
     just breathing 

    In amongst his emotional abuse and coercive control, he has recruited my (detail removed by moderator) daughter who is also abusive to me (mocks me and calls me f***ing stupid b***h), she has hidden my car key so i cant go out when he is shouting. it is difficult as I have enough money in an account (it is in my name but he has contributed to it
    ); however he has controlled it and kept the passwords and will not share them to allow me access. He says it is the future and i need to ask him for money. I think this is financial control? But I cannot see a solicitor or anything until I ahve some more financial support. I do get a reasonable payrise in september but each day is very difficult.
    Sorry I dont make much sense, this weekend has seen all of the last (detail removed by moderator) come crashing down and taking my last bit of strength.

  • #85508
     [email protected] 

    You really need advice from women’s aid can you call the helpline?i really feel for you. I’d make an appointment with the gp and logg all off this. Do you have other family round about you? Xx you won’t loose her but you might need to take full control off the situation after all your her mum and there to protect her. She won’t see this but she’s still a child -as her mum your her main care giver-your word counts more over his especially when you leave. Could you get a refuge flat through wa xx

  • #85509
     [email protected] 

    Look at it this way he is abusing her too by doing this to her xx he’s brainwashing her against you. I felt really knocked off at this stage too but you’ll come through this you’ll get strongest once your out off this situation xx

  • #85510

    Take your passport and a letter with your name on it at your current address. A gas bill, council tax bill, bank statement etc. to the bank yourself and ask to withdraw the whole amount. Or transfer it to another account for your sole use. If they won’t do that then ask for new bank card to be delivered to the bank. Speak to their vulnerable customer department and explain your situation. Your daughter is learning from her father and learning that there is no accountability for their actions. Get in touch with women’s aid. Plan a safe exit and hopefully your daughter will learn from your courage that nobody needs to put up with abuse.

  • #85511

    That is financial abuse, darling. Who goes to work and has their salary paid into an account they can’t access without permission? That’s outrageous

    If all you have to do is ask, just ask for the password. He should give it, or he will have to admit why not.

    Whether or not he parts with the password, if your name is on the account, the bank will surely help you change the PIN and password if you ask, to one that only you know. Can you slip in at lunchtime from work? You need an extra car key cutting, too, for emergencies!

    As far as future earnings go, if your account is still not accessible to you but only to him, you can open a brand new account, ideally with a different bank altogether, and switch your salary to it.

    Preventing you controlling your own earnings puts him in breach of the married women’s property act of 1880-something, so his reality is nearly 150 years out of date!

    This can’t go on, lovely.

    Flower x

  • #85529
     lover of no contact 

    One of my daughters was the same screaming at me B***h and I hate you and the look of hatred on her face towards me was heart wrenching to me. He had incited this in her. It was an awful time and when I was still living in the house with him. I had to tell her upon collecting her from school that the way she spoke to me was unacceptable; that it was hurtful to me; that she wouldn’t speak to her teacher’s or friend’s like that. I had to let go of her response but I did have to call her out calmly (the car is a good place; whwn she needed a lift: we were parked when I said it)on her unacceptable behaviour. She was practically emotionally alienated from me by him and I was devastated by this and feared that I had lost her emotionally.

    But years later we have a very good relationship. She has matured; has lived abroad for the last year away from his influence and I have become stronger and we are very close. Now I did have an incident of unacceptable behaviour from her (she ranted and raged at me over something ) when I went to visit her abroad. I was quite shook after. I took a firm stance with her financially and withdrew financial support from her for one month. She got the message; she has been respectful since. I think she’s getting the message that ‘you don’t bite the hand that feeds you’.

    Don’t worry all is not lost with your daughter; just get away from him and do stricy No Contact with him and things will slowly and steadily improve in your relationship with your daughter.

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