- This topic has 9 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 1 month ago by
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I’m so desperate to get out but each time I tell myself I’m going to do it I back out. I’m so scared that if I do report the abuse that nobody will believe me. I only have small amount of evidence and some of that is a little hazy when looked at. I don’t want the kids to lose their home but I know he won’t go without a fight. I just carry on at the moment as I just don’t see how I’d be able to get through it. What if I get told there is nothing that can be done because of lack of evidence? What happens financially? He works and I’m a stay at home mum. I want a fresh start. But he always seems to win
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Have you taken some legal advice? It was a huge worry for me that I’d wouldn’t be believed so I recorded his abuse. Not one person doubted me. It was his voice in my head saying it would be his word against mine etc etc. Well he’s the one with the criminal conviction and forced to leave the family home. Have faith in your own abilities and gather a support network. Start with women’s aid and legal advice. You can claim benefits. Meantime try to hide some money and maybe get a credit card.
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One of the hard things for me is that to everyone else hes a great guy, a decent bloke. His family never believe he does wrong. I’ve started putting little bits to one side, but not alot. My family are desperate for me to get rid of him. He was so nasty to them years ago which resulted in me not being able to have contact. I’m desperate to have that relationship back to normal too but at the moment its limited due to how he is with them
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People who know you and love you will believe you my friend. For those who don’t, they don’t matter. We don’t have to prove anything. The relationship is toxic and as such we deserve to be out of it, but sadly it’s not that easy. Take baby steps, get WA to help you through the stages, have you opened up to your doctor? The best thing we can do is get what’s happening documented. With this virus and lockdown, many more cases of DA are going to be reported and relationships ended. Stay as safe as you can while getting everything you need put in place. Keep posting and reading others posts, knowledge is power
IWMB 💞💞 -
Your family know him, that is evidence.Forgetting abuse is a symptom of the harm – the mind switches itself off to protect itself. Every woman who has experienced abuse believes they will not be believed, I was in the same position. Burst into tears a few weeks ago when I made a statement to an officer and she believed me. I was incredulous. Then I realised that all the decades I put up with this didn’t need to happen if only I had been b rave enough to tell someone in authority. When you keep a journal or written record and start to record what happens in writing, the forgotten memories may well peek out and nudge you at odd times.
Please start to write stuff, even on your phone. Make a plan. Imagine these things happening to a woman you hold dear such as a little sister or mum or friend or daughter. How does that make you feel about what he is doing to you? You deserve protection, and you can do this. xx -
I’ve started trying to build up some evidence. I’ve also spoke to my sister and sister in law who have both been victims of his verbal abuse before who are happy to back me up. I didn’t have a relationship with them for a few years due to my husband not allowing me. Plus we owe my sister money which he stopped me paying back which led to a fall out. I hope these count against him when I seek the help I need
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Hi I jyst wanted to say the police have now been trained in a different way in how they ask questions. Years ago it was always staraight forwards what was said, done etc. Now its more what can you remember. Theyve been taught why the brain courses down, why we don’t remember. Keep learning, you’re doing great.
IWMB 💞💞 -
Hi,
I suspect at times I have not been believed. He is Mr Charming and he gets away with a lot. The advice I would give is to speak to Womens aid, things that you don’t notice they will pick up on. If i can I record him, I keep that for my own record its more so I know that this is real and I am not imagining it. Also if anything happens to me then there will be something to point to him. As well I am no good at carrying things through and if you are willing too I am sure the police and womens aid would back you hundred percent. I have had awful police but I’ve had some who ask the right questions, it is pot luck but its worth a try. x
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Not a losing battle my love, not at all… We have to get out of our own brainwashed heads regarding what we are worth or not worth, how what we say or feel doesn’t matter, we have no rights, etc. All that is NOT your own voice.. So need to listen to it anymore.
For me personally, if one person doesn’t listen to me, NEXT! I will find someone who does and make noise until someone does. These days, there are people, charities, police that will listen and help. Very much so but you have to be a bell ringer and never accept no for an answer. I WILL make noise until I get attention!
I’ve had alot of no response or caring in my lifetime but no matter. If no one will help I will dig out myself. Funny how when you trip that switch in your head, help is there. I think sometimes we trip up on our fear. Sure there are people out there that won’t believe or care but you walk right past em. And I thank them on me way for letting me know – who they – are. Good to know.
ON the by and by however, you don’t waste time on those people. Why should you? You have to be your own best friend and best advocate. People believe you because YOU believe you and in yourself. The ones that don’t? Bye.
Your charmer here may slime people but trust me, it fades. And people see, sometimes too late that you were right. Nevermind. Leave them to it. Be singleminded about your own welfare. You know what’s what, that’s all that matters. Get on your horse and ride and if you fall off, get right back up!!
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Whoops, typo in first paragraph above. Meant to say – so you don’t need to listen to it anymore…
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