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What if what he says is true?
What if I am the abuser cos I have been abused? (he hasn’t said it but I have thought it?)
What if thats why my kids are mentally ill?
What if when my husband and I discuss why we are not happy together what he says is true, what if its is me?
Had this discussion (detail removed by moderator), he says its me and he bounces of my mood, I feel its the other way around. He says sex is so important and he’s pressuring for it as its a form of communication and brings people close together and I did reply only if the other person wants to does it bring you closer together.
On occasions when our moods are bad and this is all happening, I think this happens anyway at other times, My kids say he is in a mood he hasn’t spoken or is given them a look, this happens when Im being distant or upset and he’s reacting, so is this me, the root of the problem? They notice my sadness too.
Why does it have to be so complicated? I just want to be happy, he says he wants this to so why aren’t we?
So many questions, and no answers only that it might be me because I was abused before, what if its all in my head?
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Hi Chocolatebunnie
Absolutely 100% NOT the abuser. You are NOT the abuser, your partner is! Don’t even go there! Don’t doubt yourself one bit. You are a fantastic mother who is doing her very best for your family and your children know this in their heart.
Please make a decision in your head for yourself and your children to know within every fiber of your being that you are the good one here. Action speak thousand times louder than words, you are doing everything you can to create a happy life only to be destroyed by your abuser because he has completely different objectives than you do. He is after power and control.
Sex is not about intimacy for him, it is about power. Because as you said, if it would be about being close, two people have to consent to it. Don’t let him touch you. He has to earn your closeness by showing you respect, love and care. Which he never will.Nothing you do, say or don’t do, not your childhood, not his, nothing else but the choice of your partner to abuse you is the root cause of all your problems in your relationship.
I understand you wish to lead a happy life, and you will be able to, but not together with this man.
Think of how you wish to continue, if you would be ready for a change in your life.
You can call Women’s Aid to ask about your options for a future life without abuse in it.
Sending you lots of strength and self belief💪 we are all behind you!
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Sounds like your heads gone; like you are struggling with what is real and what is not; self doubt has kicked in – this is such a common symptom of someone who is suffering relationship abuse.
You need to find and stay with your truth.
Abusers are very good at tapping into the vulnerable parts of us and using these thoughts and feelings against us, twisting things, for their own gain, it’s manipulation. The more obvious sign this is happening for me was I grew to realise I felt like he was ‘kicking me when I was down’ – in a loving relationship you would not feel this, you need kindness, compassion and support when you feel this way x
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Thank you for your reply this forum is the only thing keeping me from losing my mind
He says he’s leaving, no date yet but he’s leaving I’ve no idea what next very frightened but know we need to part, it’s just I’m scared I will loose my kids, I am scared how I will cope and how difficult he might be (think it’s my biggest fear)
I’ve seen him for who he is and that’s the saddest part.
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