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    • #147262
      Redstar
      Participant

      Hello

      I’m just looking for a little bit of advice. I’m wondering which is the best route to get out an abusive relationship? Should I call national abuse helpline or go on the women’s aid live chat or call them? I can book an appointment with womens aid but it’ll be in a few weeks time, I can’t wait that long..

      I’m not sure what to do, never been in this situation before.

    • #147263
      Mellow
      Participant

      Hi yes been in Similar the thing what stuck out for me is you can’t wait that long !it is overwhelming in situations like this lucky for me I had a property available for restbite not mine.it sounds like you need temporary accommodation could you go to your local council or refuge?the council usually point you in the right direction.could you still put your name down for an appointment even though you said you can’t wait please just put your name down for support when you need it.if your in danger call the police !if you could wait you could save some money if you have means to do so then leave .

    • #147297
      Eggshells
      Participant

      You can get help from your local dv charity. Just Google “Domestic Violence Charity near me” and your local one should come up.

      I think they’re all under an awful lot of pressure at the moment so it’s also worth trying to sort something out for yourself. Your Local Authority have to re-home you if you are fleeing domestic abuse but you may have to make yourself homeless before they can do this.

      Do you have family or friends who could help?

    • #147303
      Auriel
      Participant

      The two ways I did was to wait till I knew he was gonna be out for a while acting through the day with him that everything was fine till he left got my things I needed most and went and stayed somewhere else quit all contact with him called police from his harassment and the 2nd was straight to refuge, I don’t know if your living with him or not but if you can get to stay with someone else that would be best, if not avoiding all contact with him and anyone associated with him (cos they use other people to get contact) but ringing women’s aid (for a chat or refuge space) and if there’s a d.a building near you that would be good if you feel confident for face to face conversations
      💗💞💗

    • #147306
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Hi Redstar

      Very sorry to hear you are in such a situation, and I hope you are ok.

      As already said, you can leave at any time and seek Refuge placement, or you can report him and potentially have him kicked out of the home because of the abuse, and then kept away from you. You don’t have to report him to do this, but you will need to state incidents on an application form for a judge to review so they can issue orders for police to remove him on pain of arrest if he were to try to return.

      Its up to you, and I hope you are safe and managing ok. Do keep posting and asking for anything else you may need.

      warmest wishes

      ts

    • #147348
      Redstar
      Participant

      Thank you so much for the advice and support. I’m not going to share the specifics otherwise I’ll be here all day. I think I’m going to go on womens aid live chat and hopefully find a refuge space soon. I am hoping they will help me with some sort of support worker as I have mental difficulties.

      Does anyone know what it’s like in a refuge? Do I get my own little space with a lock on the door?

      • #147356
        Twisted Sister
        Participant

        They are all different, but I’ve not heard of anyone having to share sleeping space ever, only with their own children, so you would be safe in your own room, some have shared facilities, others have your own kitchen area and maybe lounge space, depends on where you go.

        Wishing you a positive journey

        warmest wishes

        ts

      • #147375
        Auriel
        Participant

        Refuges are quite nice you get your own room there’s play area for children (if your in a family one) you might have a kitchen area in your room (usually there’s a big shared kitchen + laundry room) the last one I was in had a door lock but there’s girls/women there are all in the same situation, any concerns you got you can speak to the staff 💖

    • #147391
      Redstar
      Participant

      Will I be able to leave the same day I look for refuge? It’s just I don’t have much time as partner doesn’t go out barely.

      • #147394
        Twisted Sister
        Participant

        There may not be one available the day you leave, you may have to wait some days for there to be a space in one for the area you need. I believe that the chat facility on here with WA can search for you, so you could call to chat each time to check, or daily, depending on your circumstances.

        I hope you find a way out to peace.

        warmest wishes

        ts

      • #147411
        Lisa
        Main Moderator

        Hi there, yes TS is right. Through the Live chat service one of the support workers could look for refuge vacancies whenever you are ready.

        A support worker could also try to answer any questions or concerns that you might have about going into a refuge too.

        Best wishes

        Lisa

    • #147400
      Eggshells
      Participant

      It sounds like whenever you do go, it will be a bit of a rapid retreat so please be ready.

      If it is safe to do so, have a bag packed ready and hide it somewhere.

      You’ll need to take ID documents such as your birth certificate, passport, NI number, driving licence and marriage certificate if you have one. If you have documents such as certificates for qualifications, pack those too.

      Have a phone charger already packed, along with overnight stuff such as a toothbrush and toothpaste change of clothes and nightwear.

      If you have time to pack more when you do leave, that is great. If not then at least you’ll know that you have the important stuff. That way, if a refuge place becomes available, you can grab and go. xx

    • #147405
      Redstar
      Participant

      Thank you so much for the advice! Its really helpful and really appreciated!

      Unfortunately I can’t pack a bag as he will see it and question me. I won’t be able to get a few things together as he will see it being moved. There isn’t any hiding place. He doesn’t go out so I have to leave strategically when he is out. He isn’t out much, about 1-2 times a month.

      Thank you so much. It reminded me of a few things I need to pack!

      • #147420
        Twisted Sister
        Participant

        Hi Redstar

        don’t worry overly about risking packing if thats going to potentially then cause an issue. Refuge will help you obtain copies of all vital documents when you get there.

        You will also be provided with emergency supplies when you arrive, and there will be other helpful items made available to you.

        You are the most important here, and that you get out safely, don’t hang around just to grab something, or risk being found out, if your opportunity arises just go, and we will all be with you in this. I know its a huge leap, but you have understanding and support here, and you will get more once you are there. You are the only thing that matters in this.

        warmest wishes

        ts

      • #147442
        Auriel
        Participant

        As long as you got some money/bank card with you (and the house keys) that should be enough they might put you somewhere not entirely local depending on refuge space, as long as your out that’s the main thing, everything else can fall into place later
        🍀👍🏻🍀

    • #147535
      Redstar
      Participant

      Hello

      I have tried to do a referral. Just been told it’s first come first serve so I might not be able to go in a refuge. I feel like I didn’t tell her everything because I felt under pressure from my anxiety.

      I will get a call back if I’ve even been accepted.

      • #147567
        Twisted Sister
        Participant

        well done for doing the referral, and maybe you try each day to see whether something will come up for you.

        fingers crossed for you x

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