24th November 2021 at 11:46 am #134596iliketeaParticipant
Wonder if anyone can share their thoughts and experiences. I had trauma counselling from the DA support agency a while after I got out, and it lasted for two blocks of 6. I found it really useful at the time and it felt like we had got a long way in identifying family trauma and learnt patterns of behaviour and why and I felt pretty strong about “going it alone”. But then when it ended just coincidentally my ex ramped up the post separation abuse and I have been left unsupported for most of the year trying to deal with that.
As a result I was diagnosed with PTSD a few months ago and have been on a wait list for sessions through Talking Therapies, they just started a few weeks ago but I’m not sure its the right thing and I’m finding it really triggering. Its CBT which Ive never done before but Im feeling that the person doing it maybe not very experienced. Last week which was my second session she said halfway through the session (detail removed by moderator) and then asked me a really superficial question about the school mums at the school gates and why I didnt make an effort to mix with them, something I had disclosed to her…. Is this normal for CBT for PTSD? I understand distractions but I wasn’t in any way hysterical I was just talking, I wasn’t even crying, but it was past stuff but also what is actually happening now. I don’t know if she’s inexperienced or if the point of it is not to talk about the trauma. The other thing is that I am back experiencing his power and control through the post-separation abuse so im experiencing abuse in real time again so it feels I need to talk to someone. I don’t speak to anyone about what’s going on, no family and no friends to talk to, just the solicitor who is experiencing it too through the legal process, and just says things like (detail removed by moderator) – I know she’s being kind in some ways, but it doesn’t really help me and she’s not a therapist anyway.
Can anyone give me any thoughts as I don’t know where to go to for advice on this. It doesn’t feel like its helping at all and Im dreading the next appointment. She just keeps on saying the opposite of what I say or Im thinking and im finding it really patronising, but is this the point of it? I know its about changing thought patterns but if someone is actually lying and being underhand and that is having a direct affect on your ability to provide for your kids, isnt that just a legitimate thought getting you down, its not a thought pattern, I find it pretty hard to change my thinking on the injustice of it. Im not massively into positivism either, Im a realist, and I think that’s ok, I understand the power of positive thinking but to do it day in and day out at the cost of facing up to situations that are just s**t where someone is being terrible is just not my thing and it unnerves me. Does this mean CBT isn’t for me?
What are your experiences?
thank you. x
24th November 2021 at 12:21 pm #134600EyesopeningParticipant
Hey, I just want to say that CBT really did not help me when I was in my abusive relationship at all. Its not really relevant when you are being abused, I feel like it works only when you are not being abused. I remember how my CBT therapist would always move on when I was starting to talk too, it’s not about exploring your thoughts at all. It’s to teach you how to think in the now. Because CBT is only about how you react to your surroundings, so according to CBT you could stay in an abusive situation as long as you are working on your thought patterns. So it completely does not help.
Now things are better for me, I am going to do IESO online CBT, because I am not wanting to deal with other everyday life situations. But for abuse, trauma based therapy is normally recommended.
24th November 2021 at 9:31 pm #134635Grey RockParticipant
Hi. I’ve found the Freedom Program really helpful. It’s group sessions and at the end they’re setting up a Whatsapp group for continuing support as needed, plus we can call them to talk or attend drop in sessions. Women’s Aid referred me but I think you can self refer as. Well.
24th November 2021 at 10:42 pm #134649healingbutterflybabeParticipant
EMDR and Freedom programmes are the only thing that I’ve found helpful and also reading, so much reading!
24th November 2021 at 11:34 pm #134651ShocknaweParticipant
Hi, CBT didn’t work for me either. Reading and researching, understanding and diarising works (though I’m not sure what that means exactly) and I’m also going to psychotherapy. Still, I find that it’s a long process. Maybe the only thing that really works is time and patience with one self.
25th November 2021 at 12:06 am #134652EggshellsParticipant
I don’t think that CBT is the right sort of therapy for post abuse and it’s certainly not the right therapy for PTSD. I was turned down for CBT because it was not the right counselling for abuse survivors.
Talk therapy is also not right as it can just re-traumatise you. Evidence suggests that it doesn’t help with PTSD but it can be really good for helping you to understand and validate your feelings. I found talk therapy really helpful with the process of understanding the abuse I had experienced and the impact it was having on me. It helped me begin to discover the real me. I did have a therapist who was experienced in domestic abuse and that is really important. It’s also really important that you have a good relationship with your therapist. There has to be a bond of trust and a good therapist will quickly establish this.
I found EMDR had the greatest impact on my PTSD. It didn’t cure it but it reduced it.
I went through Insight IAPT self referral. If they don’t operate in your area, you could try Women’s Trust who also offer free counselling.
If you’re dreading the next session, please cancel it and feedback to whoever organised the therapy. Therapy should leave you feeling positive, not dreadful.
It is really hard to go through this alone. You need something that helps you to process your feelings. CBT isn’t that!
Sending big hugs my lovely. xx
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