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Deflect? A smoke screen? Distract? Cover up? Avert? Not the real issue?
Made me think of an isolated incident – how this can sometimes make his behaviour or what happened seem no big deal, but when we view a string of icidents together the pattern in his behaviour becomes clear – thus we see the abuse. The invisible in plain sight becomes visiable.
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Yea, I think the comment about string of incidents in a pattern is the closest. Its just… because I saw the string. I went frantic. I was like “look, look, look!!” and of course, he said that i was mentally ill seeing a pattern when these things were very separate.
But, I do wonder if this “pattern” was concocted, so i obsess over it, and look like a mental. And, ignore the bigger picture. That he is actually some master controlling…brain killer. So when i work out what he is actually doing, he can say “well she went look look look over a non thing, made up pattern. Shes prone to this”
Its hard working out which it is. I think it was a smoke screen.
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When we’re in an abusive relationship its natural to question things only they try to block this, turn it round on us, twist things – manipulate. It means they are not ‘credible witnesses’. Means you can’t believe what he says, he is only saying whatever it is to save his bacon or make it appear this is your fault. The trick here is to not listen STS, to observe only, write down what happens and how he behaves – then eventually you see it for what it is – manipulation tactics and that he is a selfish wicked being. One thing you can be sure of is that he is never motivated by what is in your best interests here, only his own.
Google the Grey Rock Method – helps you to stop reacting and become an observer xx
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