What is wrong with me!!!!

[Helphelphelp]

I stayed away, I blocked, I tried with every day being upset. To get called and cried to, to hear how he loves me so very much and how he can’t carry on without me, he had come from (detail removed by Moderator) hours away, and was parked near my house. I was cold and hard but eventually I said come round, he came round told me everything he had felt and so very upset. I cried inside because I knew all I wanted to do was cuddle him. He stayed for (detail removed by Moderator) we talked he said he needed to talk to his family about us sorting our situation out. I was worried because everyone I know hates him for how he has upset me, but I started telling people I was really considering getting back with him, I could see their faces but my heart felt happy again, he went back to his mum to talk to her, he messaged me beautiful messages of love and asked if I would consider going miles away to live with him again. He said all he wants is marriage and us. All my family are here near me so I said that’s not possible, he kept on saying I can’t go back those ways because no one likes me and the memories there are so sad. I would never have gone there with him as it’s to far from my family but someone I’m close to said, call his bluff and say yes I’ll marry you and move with you. So I did, he changed his tune. Said no it won’t work. And so I’ve been made to look stupid all over again and hate myself for letting him play games with my heart. What the hell is wrong with Me. I’ll never trust a person again. I’ve made myself feel I’m not worth anything, it is my fault because deep inside I know he is a n********t. But he is so normal 95% of the time, but how in gods name can I, a sensible human who knows exactly what he is allow this?? Back to square one.
Sorry ladies I feel I’ve completely let the side down. I feel stupid so so stupid and hurt. 😔😢

[Walkingonsunshine]

Don’t beat yourself up, they are so good at this.
I had literally the same scenario. I ended it, I was cold as he cried in front of me, ignored nexts. he’s begged and begged for months for us to try again, I then began considering it, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt now he’s on medication and he turned around and said no, I can’t, It won’t work.

As Lundy Bancroft described in his book ‘it’s over when I say it’s over’ they can’t understand why anyone would want to break up with them, they are so perfect after all 🙄 So they win us back so they can dump us, that way in their next relationship they can tell their new victim how they dumped us for being crazy rather than admitting anything is wrong with them.

Your post has helped me see that pattern and Please don’t feel silly because it’s what they do. Take courage in the fact he’s exactly what You thought he was and move on x

[Helphelphelp]

Hey walkingonsunshine

Thank you for your reply, just really frustrated I gave him the choice, I can not make my brain accept that there are some people who actually enjoy hurting others. I just can’t u dear and why you would waist your time and effort on hurting someone as much as humanly possible.
Thank you and hopefully god willing I’ll learn from it. Just don’t seem to have learnt yet. 🙏🏼 Xx

[KIP.]

Sadly his behaviour is very typical. They have no way to bond to anyone so they cannot have that emotional bond that you and I have. They want control. Try to imagine this man doing these things to someone close to you like a sister or best friend. Imagine their hurt and what advice you would give them.It shocked me to the core to discover that he was deliberately hurting me but no experience is wasted if we learn from it and once the immediate pain shock and trauma aren’t so overwhelming you will begin to see him for what he is. Healing From Hidden Abuse is a good book x block him on everything. And if he contacts you again report him to the police for harrassment. Sadly these men often keep us hooked in or just wait until they’re dumped by their current partner and come back to pull on that hook. That’s why zero contact is so very important. They often have more than one woman on the go too so I’d definitely consider an STI test if appropriate when you’re ready x

[KIP.]

Google trauma bonding. It may help explain this Craving you have and codependency. Might not fit with you but worth a look x

[Helphelphelp]

Thank you,
It’s all true, I’m trauma bonded, he loved me so strongly I have thought there is no way he doesn’t love me, we have a connection, and we do, it’s just not the connection I thought.
I’ll try again 😔 love to all you ladies x

[Author]

Posts