What should I tell my daughter?

[Eve1]

Though feeling a bit better, in still not sleeping that well, generally tired all the time and my emotions are a bit flat flat, I int really feel quite like myself.
I’m still not working, and can manage that till after the Easter hols, but I be probably got to go into the work programme tomorrow, am supposed to have counselling in the afternoon, not local so I would have to leave her for nearly 3 or 4 hours in total. I’m just paranoid about her at the moment. Shes a young teenager and if on he phone to friends who i don’t know that well s lotI don’t tell her it’s counselling, I say exercise. I said I would take her out somewhere this afternoon as she’s disappointed her brother’s not coming round, but I feel suddenly terrible. I know the tiredness and the rest of from the tablets and I definitely don’t want to tell her that I’m taking them. I feel like I’m reliving the time just after my ex left, not having energy, feeling so depressed, wading through treacle. Thing is, it seemed justifiable then, and I know I had some emotional times with my son who was the same age as she is now. She is sometimes write fragile and just seems to want to sit in her room reading chocolate! I just feel overwhelmed at this moment, having to decide what to do for the best in every situation. We’ve had a few days of not doing much apart from one day out and I need to do things in the house. I don’t want her to feel any burden of having to look after me, or which about me, which I di did/do with my mum. But if don’t want is to just get angry with each other which easily happens. I think I want to day something tor he but i can’t face getting emotional in front of her. She doesn’t think badly of her Dad, at least on surface, as she was quite young when he left. Anyone any thoughts or experience? I’m thinking myself into inaction.
Eve
x

[Eve1]

I’ve cancelled my counselling for tomorrow. I decided to be at least a bit honest with my daughter and day I just can’t walk today but we can go tomorrow. Before I even spoke she asked if I was ok, I look so exhausted, I know. I said not really and told her about walking tomorrow instead. She have me a big hug and said it was fine. I didn’t cry but I think she did a bit. She went for a little walk to the shops by herself.
So I’ve kind of answered my own post. That’s what you call self help!
It’s so hard all of this, it really is.

Thanks ladies, I know you’re out there. Hugs
Eve
x

[Serenity]

Hi Eve,

You are such a good mum, trying to shield your daughter, but there are bound to be times when it all gets on top of you. I think our kids need to realise we are human!

Don’t feel bad about taking a bit of a step back and feeling emotional again. The road to healing is like that- peaks and then troughs.

I recently returned to counselling, after a break from it, and I had it booked weekly, so that it would take me away from my kids during their holiday time. I cancelled my counselling at the last minute, too. I just felt I wanted to be near my kids. Even if they were doing their own thing, just knowing I was in the same house as them.

I let them do their own things- be with their friends, have time in their rooms. This is in deliberate contrast to my ex, who demands that during contact they be with him at all times, doing what he wants, being their puppets.

My eldest spends a lot of time in his room. But I think he needs it. He has a cosy room, with all he needs. I think he feels safe, and likes his own space. My ex was so domineering, and tried to mould them into what he wanted. Sometimes, my son just lies on his bed. I don’t worry: I realise he is just ‘being’ and relaxing into himself, enjoying not having the dictator around.

Keep on posting, Eve x*x

[mixed-up mum]

Hi Eve – have you spoken to your Doctor, or a CPN re how you are feeling still – have they given you any idea of a timescale before you WILL start to feel better and feel the benefits of your mediation?

I haven’t been on antidepressants for years now and they will have changed such a lot in that time – but I know I never felt anything when I was on them – I never felt better or worse….. I had two very young kids at the time so expected to feel tired – I was given support by the health visitor and a CPN too, but they both more ore less said I was fine, nothing wrong with me – and get rid of my problem (my ex) and I’d feel a lot better.

BUT ….. it took me the teens of years before I could finally pluck up the courage to leave him……

I’m scared to try medication now after hearing how it has affected you – I don’t feel low ALL the time, I feel ‘OK’ some of the time, but rarely feel happy….. so maybe medication is not for me…..??

I know what you mean about not being happy with the kind of people your daughter is talking to, my son is always on Xbox, and so playing games with people from all over, people whom he doesn’t know, and neither do I, some are quite a bit older than him, and I’m not keen on him having these older ‘friends’ – but what can I do I can’t monitor who he plays with, and I can’t stop him playing with them…..

It is difficult to know what, if anything, you should tell your daughter, but they most likely pick up on more than you think.
Sometimes they worry more when they DON’T know what’s wrong, maybe you could explain it in very basic terms and that way she’s not worrying and guessing what’s really wrong.

If I was on medication I don’t know if I would tell my daughter, I wouldn’t want her to worry about me, but at the same time – if they know you are not your usual self, and need a bit of ‘help’ for a short time then maybe, just maybe, she would try and help you more and not do things to stress you further.

I used to try and hide how I was feeling when low or just tired – I used to try and carry on no matter what – but now if I’m low or tired I DO just go to my bed and they just have to take over, they are not little kids now and the can do a lot more for themselves than they actually DO – so it doesn’t hurt every once in a while just to let them get on with it – let them know you ARE human and just can’t do everything all the time = they have to know you are not ‘Wonder Woman!!!!!

Teenagers are very hard to understand – they all reach that ‘difficult stage’ at there own time – my son is a grumpy, moody teenager, who sits in his room all day everyday, only comes out for food or to go to the toilet – and he can hardly utter a civil word to his sister and me – but I tell myself myself it will get better one day he will be sociable and nice!!!!! 😉

Occasionally there are times when I have to ‘let my daughter look after me’ – mine is much older than yours – but sometimes I just have to let her know I’m having a hard day and she just needs to take on a bit more ’til I can get back on my feet. She is of an age now when I feel like I don’t need to shield her from everything…..

Sometimes I just need a very lazy, quiet day when I do nothing, and I’m in bed a lot – they can make simple snacks to themselves for one day – and I just need a bit of time for me to rest and recover we are not robots – and we just need a bit of breathing space sometimes.

My daughter is very caring and compassionate, and she would hate to see me ‘suffer in silence’ – she would much rather be helping and supporting me, than see me struggling. At the end of the day you KNOW she would be/will be there fore you, if you let her in…..

Sorry got to go, falling asleep typing here!!!

Speak soon,
take care.

x*x

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